So this is Christmas!

Once again, time for gift-giving has come, and the most important is that we celebrate the birth of our Savior, Emmanuel (Jesus Christ). Let's not forget the true meaning of Christmas, that it's not just a festive celebration but Christmas is all about LOVE; giving love to our family, friends, neighbors, colleagues, strangers and even our enemies. Let's also practice Christmas everyday for the better life! =)

This year will be my 6th Christmas celebration in Cambodia, a place where people doesn't know the true meaning of it at first but as time goes by, people are trying to adapt this important festive in our lives. As I stayed here with my family our celebration of Christmas is very special, even though we're far from Pinas and other relatives we never fail to have our own Noche Buena celebrations with family and friends. Our family has been completed during Christmas for the past 4 years, but this year will be different cos my 3 siblings will be celebrating their Pasko in Pinas, but as tradition tuloy na tuloy pa rin ang pasko! Our friend Joyce and Nestle will be hosting the party this time and there will be 5 families joining. It's gonna be fun. lots of gifts for the kids and foods as well.

This will be my 4th Christmas celebration with Jeff! i love you mahal!


Have a joyous Christmas and a festive New year everyone!

Greetings from Dionco Family...

Social Networking is banned in office!

Yes, i think all social networking are now blocked on our computers, according to HQ.

Facebook is now blocked here in office, kaloka naman kasi yong iba at sa portal pa talaga nagbubukas ng kanilang social networking sites eh, ayan damay tuloy kami dito sa Cambodia. hehe! Pero okay lang din naman, atleast hindi kami masyado disturbed! haha!

Even though, I can still access my twitter and blogs, except multiply. But then, there's something wrong with my twitter cos I can't tweet or reply to my tweeps.

I must say, I actually miss blogging, been trying different blog sites already, but after few weeks I feel so lazy to post something. I don't know why. super lazy talaga ako lately, maybe because of the weather or whatever it is! haha!

Anyway, time is up! So I need to go back to work!

have a nice day!

Fruitful week...

TGIF! Yes, thank God it's Friday then tomorrow will be my off here in the office but not at home, as I have to do the household chores.

I think I had a fruitful week, for some reasons which I really can't state, I was so inspired to work hard this week, or di ko lang masyado naiisip si Jeff kaya nakapag trabaho ako ng maayos? haha! joke lang yon!

Andami mga pangyayari this week, may mga incidents na parang di ko kinakaya at talagang nakakaloka na, but despite of it all, I can still wear my beautiful smile (charing! hehe) Meaning, sa mga pangyayaring yon okay pa rin ako, nakaka smile pa ng major major...

I always believe to the power of prayers, so for all those who prayed for me, thank you so much. Lord thank you talaga! love you!

Sana next week ganito ulit...

got to go na, I'll try blogging on my new phone... ^_^

Have a nice weekend.

Sweet Memories

This is one of my favorite song from Sarah Geronimo's JUST ME album, which I got last Christmas, and from this song I got the title of my blog. So here's the song and the lyrics.

On my previous post, (now that I found you, i will let you go), I mentioned that he added me and I have some doubts that he was not the one using it. But he proved me wrong yesterday, its him! I'm so glad talking to him yesterday. I was so happy like I've never been too happy this much, but a bit sad, knowing that there would be no more chance for us cos he's already married and have a kid already. We chose to be friends na lang, well at least we still have each other right? At least once i became so brave to tell him how I feel for him eversince I met him, up until now. Sobrang gaan ng pakiramdam ko nong sinabi ko na lahat sa kanya, and knowing he feels the same way for me. Well atleast everything's clear now, on our both sides. Ngayon kelangan ko na lang muna mag concentrate sa kung anong meron ako ngaun. Siguro nga may mga taong nagmamahalan pero hindi pwede magkatuluyan. Ok na yon, atleast alam ko sa sarili ko na minahal naman nya ako katulad ng pagmamahal ko sa kanya. Ok na yon, hindi na ako umaasa, wala naman dapat asahan. Kahapon narealized ko na parang teleserye pala ang lablyf naming 2. wala lang, kala ko kasi sa TV lang yong mga ganon scene eh, nangyayari din pala sa totoong buhay.

Hay naku... lablyf... ehehehe! I'm not emo, I'm just happy and I need to let it go. ^_^

Just for One Night it was so right... @_@

Just want to share this:

One Night

Long day and I'm ready
I'm waiting for your call
'cause I've made up my mind
My heart aches with a hunger
and the want that you were mine
No I cannot deny

So for one night

is it alright?

That I give you

My heart, my love, my heart

Just for one night

My body, my soul

just for one night

(One night)

my love, my love

for one night

One night, one night

When mornin' awakes me

Well I know I'll be alone

And I feel, I'll be fine

So, don't you worry about me

I'm not empty on my own

For inside I'm alive

That for one night

It was so right

That I gave you

my heart (my heart)

My love, my heart

Just for one night

(One night) my love,

(One night) I loved,

For one night (one night)

One night, one night

Well, that's my newest favorite song, though it's kinda old song, it's just related to  me... That explains everything lang...

Now that I've found you I will let you go..

Yes! correct, now that I've found him, I am now ready to let him go. It maybe sounds different but I think I'm letting him go, or maybe I'm letting him be with another woman's arms. After so many years of looking for any information about him, it was only last Saturday when he added me as his friend in FB. I was so shocked when I saw his name, but not his picture, it's his daughter and his relationship status is married. I don't know what to feel, but there's a doubt that he's not the one using it, because when I checked the info, I saw his wife's (i think) email  address. Well, you know I have a researcher skills, so what I did was to check that email in FS, and voila, I saw her account, with the same photos as he has on his FB. Now I'm started to have a doubt that maybe, she was the one using that account, but how did she know me? hmm... ???

I think I'm ready to let go now, but I'm still hoping I could talk to him and tell him what I really feels before I could finally move on?

This is for him...



I really missed him... hope to see him soon... ^_^

Rules on How to get rid of your EX?!

We did this when we we're in High School. So here are the rules:

• Don't think him.
• Don't recall the memories you've shared
• Just smile and say "Kaya ko pa ito"
• Always think positive cos negative is him
• Don't look at him
• Forget the date and the place you've met him
• Throw the things that he gave you.
• Stay CUTE! ^_^
• Don't cry a lot just a little
• Don't text him
• Don't call him
• Don't talk to him, just ignore him
• Stay HAPPY and RELAX yourself
• Just say "I'M OKAY".
• Look for someone.
• Now if you can't forget the guy, just look in the mirror and say "Marami pang iba, mas mabuti pa sa KANYA!".

Well when I was in  High school I have a collection of poems, quotes, and some jokes. I think I have two notebooks and I left it in the Philippines with my  bestfriend. This is just one of what we did before. Now I'm curious about the quotes that I wrote on that notebook, oh well, I'll tell my bff to take good care of it, so that I could still see it when I come back home.

Best Friend part 1

Do you have guy best friend? I think some of us does have. Well, I just want to share this story with all of you, according to the blog site it was a real love story. I got it from rayaj. So here it is:

A Very Sad Love Story… :’( [repost]     June 15, 20009 1:13 PM
by Jimrie David for everyone

—repost its inspire me…tnx

This is a real true love story between two bestfriend.
Here I am all alone sitting inside the solace of my room.
Thinking. Thinking about the things that happened.
I don’t know how I was able to live all through out this
years bearing this big hole in my heart.

It all happened years ago, back when I was still in high school.
Back to time when I first fell in love. It was my freshmen year
in high school and was very ecstatic with my high school life.
Not wanting to welcome my high school life with a tardiness slip
in my hand, I ran furiously through the halls when I suddenly
bumped unto someone. I didn’t know that that little accident
could blossom into a very fruitful relationship. The person I
bumped unto is my best friend. That’s basically how we first met.
From then on, we started hanging around each other. We enjoyed
each other’s company. We were always together. We were inseparable.
He was always there whenever my girlfriends bails out on me.
He’s patient enough to always wait up for me. And I’m telling you
I move too slowly and to wait up for me takes a lot of patience.
He’s basically the perfect guy for me. Pero syempre uunahan ka na
ng mga sa demonyong pag-iisip na, you’re just best friends and
that’s all you could ever be. So, wala ka ng magagawa kundi
ibaling sa iba ang lintik na pagtingin na yan. But no matter
how hard I try, to the point na itali mo na sa puno ng balete
yang lintik na muscle sa dibdib mo na kung tawagin eh puso,
I still can’t help it. I’m slowly falling for my best friend.

It’s prom time. The school had this crazy idea that the girls
should be the ones to ask the guys out. That really sucked.
I was about to ask my crush to go to the prom with me,
pero being the cutest guy in campus, he obviously already
had a date and it’s not me. Bad trip. 1 week na lang prom na,
wala pa rin akong date. So ano pa ba ang dapat gawin?
Eh di syempre takbo kay ever dearest best friend.

“Pare, still don’t have a date sa prom.” Sabi ko.
“So? Ano gusto mong gawin ko? Maging date mo?”
he asked. Then I just looked at him. Making pacute.
At syempre alam nya na kung ano ibig sabihin nun.
Kaya nga sya naturingang best friend eh.

“Fine! I’ll go to the prom with you.” Sabi nya.
Eh di masaya na ko. Sa wakas may date na ko. Lam ko naman na
he’ll never let me down eh. Sya pa eh, ever dearest ko nga un eh.
Hehehe..

Eto na. The night that I’ve been waiting for. Of course todo
ayos ako. He came to our house to pick me up. At take note,
he’s on time. J He was patiently waiting for me downstairs when
I came down the stairs. He stood up and looked at me in awe.
I hope. Pro when I saw him, I was totally blown away. Grabe!
Hindi ko alam ganito pala kagwapo best friend ko! Too bad!
Best friends lang kami! Sinuot nya sakin ung corsage and then went
on our way to the prom. We had such a blast. Everyone was saying,
“You look good together.” And “Ang cute nyo tignan!” syempre,
sobrang flattered naman kami. Last dance of the night na.
He asked me to dance and syempre I said yes. Pakipot pa ba ako?
Syempre hindi na noh. Syempre talk kami about stuff.

“You look great tonight.” Sabi nya. Eh di na flattered naman akoh
“Thanks. So do you.” Sabi koh. I was just telling the truth. After
a moment of silence, bigla xa nagsalita.
“Tingin mo pwede maging tayo?” bigla nya tinanong.
“If ever? Why not! I’m not closing my door to anyone naman eh!”
sabi koh. Kasi true naman eh. Kung alam nya lang.“Willing to give it a try?”
“You mean tayo? Okei lang sakin.”
“So, tayo na?”
“As in right now? Kei lang.” Sabi koh with a smile.
“Tayo na nga? Don’t worry, pag ‘di nag work out,
PARE pa rin tayo. Trip lang. just a try.”
“Sure. Cge tayo na.” Sabi koh and we danced the night away.
Time to go home na. Before leaving his car, we said our usual goodbyes.Lam
moh un, ung mga see you tom, gudnyt, kol u tom, txt u later, the usuals.
When I was about to get out of his car, hinawakan nya kamay ko and
looked intently into my eyes.
“What’s wrong?” ask koh, kaw ba naman hindi ma curious eh,
bigla ka ba namang tignan ng ganun. Pro, xmpre ask koh un w/
pacute na smile.
“Can I kiss you?! Sa cheeks lang poh.” Sabi nya sabay nagblush.
Kinilig akoh, so I said yes. He held my head and leaned over to
kiss me on the cheeks. It was warm, soft and gentle.
“Cge, ingatz sa pagdrive.” That was all I can say.
Pagpasok ko sa room koh, grabe!! Kilig akoh!! As in!!
He had never looked at me like that before. I know what you guys
are thinking. Napakatanga ko para pumayag diba?! But what can I do?!
I was already falling for him. And when I finally had a chance to
call him mine, I quickly grabbed it. Kahit na sabihin nyo na hindi
ganon ka seryoso, at least I could say na, once in my life he was mine.
Mabilis kumalat ang balita. The next day, alam na halos ng buong school
na kami na. At first, we were too shy to admit it, pro sa sobrang
kakulitan ng mga friends namin, wala na kaming ibang nagawa kundi
umamin. Graduation na. Still going strong pa rin kami. You’d think na
we’ve gotten serious na. Ewan koh lang. There are times na serious,
may times na hindi. Pero I was secretly hoping na we are. On the day
of our graduation, our families celebrated together. Oh diba?!
Legal kami! Hehehe….
College na kami. Unfortunately, magkaiba kami ng schools.
And that’s when things started to get complicated and hard to
handle between us. To the point na we had that talk. Alam moh un,
ung THE TALK. It happened on our 2nd anniversary. While having dinner,
bigla sya nagsalita.
“Baby, can we talk. You know. About us?!” he asked.
“Sure. Bakit?! Is there something wrong?” I asked him back.
“Di ba sabi natin dati na pag hindi na tayo nag workout, we can set
each other free na?” sabi nya.
Uh-oh!! Ano toh?!?! Oh no! this is not happening!!!
“Kasi nahihirapan na koh. I don’t think it’s still working out for me.”
He continued.
Ayos ka din noh!!! Hahanap ka lang ng timing para makipag break,
anniversary pa natin!!! Wala ka sa ayos pare!!! !@#$ ka!!!
Anong gusto moh sabihin koh?!?! Nahihirapan ka?! Tingin moh sakin?!
All these years, nagpapakasaya lang?!?! Ayos ka din noh!!!
Kung alam moh lang mga pinagdaanan koh para lang sayo!!! !@#$!!!
“Okay. If that’s what you want.” Sabi koh. ! Nag pakamartyr na naman akoh!!!
“One question lang. is there another girl?!” tanong koh sa kanya.
I nervously waited for his answer. He looked in my eyes.
Then slowly nodded.
“Meron. Classmate koh sa physics. I’m so sorry.” Sabi nya.
Sorry?!?! Anong sorry?!?! Makakain koh ba yang sorry na yan?!?!
Mababalik ba nyan ung dati?!?! Sagutin moh nga akoh?!?!? Anoh?!
Langya! Bigla bumagsak mundo koh nun. I felt like dying na.
I wanted to cry at mag eskandalo dun pero I can’t. Ginusto koh toh eh.
Paninindigan koh katangahan koh. With my hands trembling,
I slowly reached for my purse. Kinuha koh ung gift koh for him.
I was so to think and hope na in our 2 years span of relationship,
he had already learned to love me more than his best friend.
In a blink of an eye, all my hopes are gone. Binigay koh sa kanya ung gift.
Ayaw pa nga nya tanggapin nung una eh. But I insisted. So he gave in
and accepted it na rin. It was a bracelet with our names inscribed on it.
At the back it says, “PARE forever!” I guess “pare” is all we could ever
be to each other.
After that, he tried to lighten up the mood by cracking up some jokes and
playing around. Syempre, as my best friend, he knows how to make me laugh.
Kahit anong lakas ng tawa koh sa mga jokes at kwento nya, grabe naman ang
iyak ng puso koh. Pungal yan! I never thought na I’d be this corny!
Pro it’s true. My heart was aching and crying inside. I just tried hiding
it all from him with a happy guise. Hinatid nya koh sa bahay. The usual
goodbyes. tapos he kissed me on the cheeks. Hindi na lang akoh nagreact.
Nakasanayan na kasi eh. When I got out of his car, I told myself na I’m not
going to cry. But when I got to my room, tears just started to fall from my
eyes. I can’t help it. Lalo na when I saw our picture sa bedside table koh.
Tumuloy tuloy na ung flow ng tears. To take my mind off him, binuksan koh
ung t.v. Para malibang kahit paano. Talaga nga naman! Sakto sa MTV ni
Mariah Carey na breakdown! Bwisit! Tamang-tama sakin un! As in! Well, I
guess I’m trying to be Nonchalant about it.
To prove I’m fine without you.
But in reality I’m slowly losing my mind.
Underneath the guise of smile
Gradually I’m dying inside.
Friends ask me how I’ve been
And I lie convincingly
I don’t want them to reveal
The fact that I’m suffering
And so I wear my disguise
‘til I go home at night
and then I turn off the lights
and then I breakdown and cry…..
Pungal yan! Sobrang lakas na sampal sa mukha un! Tamang tama sakin!
Headshot!!!! Umasa lang akoh sa wala! Akala koh eto na un! I cried and
cried all night. Naubos na lahat ng tissue sa bahay hindi pa rin akoh
nauubusan ng luha. I cried myself to sleep still thinking about us.
Shock!!! talaga!!! May pasok nga pala ngaun! I can’t let him see me
like this! Hindi koh pwedeng pakita sa kanya na I’m worst without him!
!@#$!! So, when he picked me up, para ihatid sa school, pinasabi koh na
lang sa maid na I’m going to be late for school. He was insisting na
he’ll wait for me daw. Buti na lang makulit din ung maid namin kaya napilitan na siyang iwan ako. Right after he left, I waited for a
few minutes muna before I went out and made my way to school. Ngaun
lang akoh naging thankful na we study in different school. At least
hindi nya koh makikita looking like this diba?!?! Pagdating koh sa school,
xmpre grabeng interrogation agad ang inabot koh sa mga kaibigan koh.
“Bait maga yang mata moh?!” tanong ni sheryn habang nagaayos ng buhok nya.
“umiyak ka noh?!” sabat naman ni crista.
Sabihin na nating mahal koh silang lahat and they are one of those
people na I can’t afford to loose, but in times like this, parang mas
gugustuhin koh pa na mag-isa na lang kasi when you have a problem,
gusto nila lagi silang involve. I know that they only want to help but
sometimes they get too involve na sa problem moh.
“wala na kami.” Sabi koh, while pretending to read and review our thesis.
“ano?! Wala na kayo?!”
“bakit?!”
“anong dahilan?!”
sinasabi koh na nga ba eh! Kahit kailan talaga! Grabe sila magreact!
“wala na kami. Things were just not working out. We’re better off as
friends” sabi koh, trying to convince them na I’m okay and it doesn’t
matter to me.
“may other girl noh?!” sabi ni jen.
Grabe! Lakas talaga ng radar ng mga toh kahit kailan! So I just nodded.
“talaga?!”
“that jerk! To think na boto kaming lahat sa kanya.”
“gusto moh sugurin natin ung girl?!”
“halika! Let’s find that jerk! You need to give him a piece of your mind.”
I just sat there and just looked at them. Grabe nakakabingi silanglahat!
“well, what can I do?! Decision naming dalawa un and besides, trip lang
naman kami remember?!?! Hindi naman talaga kami seryoso and don’t do
anything to the girl. Its not her fault na he has fallen for her.
Maybe things between us were just not meant to be. Things happen for a
reason.” Finally!! Nakapagsalita din akoh!!! Grabe! Its felt good.
“you sure you’re okay?!” tanong nila.
HELLO?!?!?! Ako okay?!?!?! ‘Di nyo ba nakikita kung gano ka maga ‘tong
eyes koh?!?! And you’re asking me if I’m okay?!?!?! Okay lang kayo?!?!
Sang lupalop ba ng galaxy kayo nanggaling?!?!? Kayo kaya makipag break?!?!?
Eh di xmpre, wala na kong ibang maisasagot kundi,
“yup. I’m okay. It’s not a big deal. We’re still friends.”
Galing magsinungalning!!!! Best actress!!!! I was on the verge of
tears nung sinabi koh un. Kaplastikan naman kasi eh! Pro I know that I
have to show them na I am strong. And that I can move on.
“can we just please change the topic and start talking about our thesis?”
biglang sabat ni Ashley.When I looked at her I said thank you and she
just smiled and said,”anytime”. She’s a true friend talaga. Though
she’s the KJ in our barkada, in times of need talaga, silent xa pro
full support sayo and never leaves ur side. After that, hindi na ulit
nabanggit yung topic na ‘yon. And they left me alone na. I was sitting
dun sa secret place koh, all alone, when Ashley came over and just sat
beside me without saying a word. She just looked at me with meaningful
eyes saying, “cry. It’s okay. Just let it all out. I’m here for you.”
With that, I started to cry out all my anger and sorrow. Ashley just
sat there and comforted me. She was the only one na I could show my true
state being at that time. Sa kanya koh lang napakita kung gaano akoh ka
vulnerable and fragile when hurt. Sa kanya koh lang nasabi lahat ng true
feelings koh, lahat ng mga sama ng loob koh for that JERK!!! Ashley
was just there listening and comforting me. It made me feel better.
Months have passed since that very unfaithful night. Ilang months na
rin akoh nagtatago sa kanya. Hindi na koh sumasabay sa kanya every morning.
Tuwing tatawag xa, sandali lang akoh makipagusap. Pag pupunta naman xa sa
haus wala ma koh magagawa kundi entertain xa. Alangan naman ipagtabuyan
koh ung tao. Eskandalo!!! So after months of pag-iwas I finally decided
to give our friendship another try. Napagod na din kasi akoh kakatago.
And besides, naubusan na koh ng alibis and excuses. Hehehe..Ü kaya
balik sa dati ang drama naming dalawa ngaun. As usual napansin ‘toh ng
barkada at nakiusosyo na naman sila. “Kayo na ba ulit?” tanong nila.
“Hindi.” I simply answered “Eh baket ano…” “We’re just friends. Balik sa
dati.” I said cutting off their sentence. “Bahala ka.” Un na lang nasabi
nila.
Friday, movie night namin. Xmpre excited akoh kasi marathon ngayon ng
mga scary flicks like the ring series, the grudge and all the likes.
Ang venue namin ngaun is sa haus nila, may bisita kasi si mommy sa haus
that night. When I got to their haus, I saw him in the entertainment
room, nagaayos.
“Aba! Himala! Nagaayos ka ha?!?! Baket dito tayo? Hindi ka na naman
nakapaglinis ng room moh noh?!” sabi koh na medyo nangaasar pa, habang
tinutulungan koh xang magayos.
“Ano ka?! Malinis kaya room koh! Nasira kasi VCR koh sa room kaya dito
tayo ngaun. Tsaka…” Hindi na nya natapos ung sasabihin nya kasi biglang
may dumating na girl na may dalang chips and dips. Imposibling bagong
maid kasi napakasexy naman ng suot nya to be a maid’s uniform.
“Hi! I’m Twinx. Lagi ka sakin kwento ng best friend moh!” sabi nung girl.
Eh di napilitan na lang akoh mag smile. ABANAMAN BA!!!!! Sino ba
‘tong bruhang toh na feeling close agad!!!
“I’’ll just get some more chips.” Sabi ni Twinx. Wow! Hanep sa pangalan!
Twinx!!!! Ano ka chocolate?!?!?! When “chocolate” left, I looked at
“pare” na nakatakas ang kilay at alam na niya kung ano ibig koh sabihin.
“Pare,” sabi nya, sabay akbay sakin. “Alam koh hindi koh nasabi sayo na
pupunta xa kasi I was not sure kung kei lang sau kaya sinama koh na lang
xa. Gusto koh kasi meron munang approval ng best friend koh bago koh xa…
you know.” He continued, as he playfully played with my hair.
“Fine! Pro remember, kaya tayo nagkaroon ng movie night, for us to spend
more time together. Just the two of us. Diba?! Sacred night nating dalawa
toh eh.” Sabi koh in a tone na nagtatampo na nagpapacute. Pro he just
looked at me with pleading eyes, saying, “please…” so wala na koh nagawa.
“Fine! One chance lang!
I’ll stay pro I don’t want this to happen again. Okay?!” I said.
He just hugged me and gave me a peck on the cheek. “Thanks pare, you’re
the best!” sabi nya. Hindi na koh nakapagsalita kasi biglang umeksena ung
twinx. Kusa na koh lumayo after that. All throughout the marathon,
tahimik lang akoh unlike pag kaming dalawa lang, pagtatawanan pa naming
dalawa ung mga nangyayari kahit na drama. Kahit na he’d come up to me and
say something funny about the movie, I’ll just smile and not discuss
things any further. Sobrang ilang na nga akoh sa situation eh, tapos eto
pa ‘tong twinx na umeeksena. Ano kami?!?! Close?!?! Please lang noh. She
tried approaching me nga eh and make small talks. I just smiled and
tried to cut all her little chitchats short. Tapos grabe pa xa makadikit
kay pare! Grabe!! Hindi koh na xa natake !!! Hindi kinaya ng powers koh.
So I texted Sheryn. After a few minutes lang, dumating na si Sheryn.
I bid the two goodbye and headed for the door na when he got hold of my
hand. “Alis ka na agad?” he asked, mukhang worried nga xa about me eh,
which kinda made me feel good.
“Yah, punta akoh kila Ashley. Emergency eh. May nasira sa thesis namin,
kaya we have to start all over again.” That was my excuse. I know it was
lame but I can’t think of any other excuse eh. Buti na lang nakiride na
din si Sheryn. After a week, he approached me on the park while I was
sitting n our favorite bench.
“So what do you think of Twinx?” he asked
“She’s okay.”
“Approved ba?”
“Kei lang.”
“Baket ka nga pla bigla umalis?”
“Thesis namin remember?” I said in a matter-of-fact tone.
He just gave up on our arguments. And after a deafening silence,
lumabas na naman ung pagkachildish nya. He started cracking up these
really corny jokes but still never fails to make me laugh for no reason
at all. After all these years, he still knows how to cheer me up and
make me smile.Months have already passed, I thought I had already moved
on and was able to accept the fact that we’re just friends. I was wrong.
Kasi nung sinabi nya na sila na, grabe sikip ng dibdib koh! Hindi akoh
makahinga. Was gasping for breathe and I was lost for words to say to him.
Pro dahil isa akong mapagpanggap na tao, I just smiled and said,
“good for you. Wish you all the luck.” Kaplastikan koh noh?!
Kaya nagkusa ako na medyo lumayo na sa kanya, ayoko nga makasalamuha yung
“chocolate” na un noh! Kaya I decided na ibaling na lang sa iba ang
pagtingin koh. Sakto namang biglang dating sa scene ang isang drummer
ng isang banda sa school na bigla nagparamdam sakin. Hanggang sa naging
close kami and you know, lam nyo na siguro patutunguan nun diba?! ..Ü
Pro syempre to be fair sa best friend koh, I wanted to get his approval
bago koh sagutin si “little drummer boy”. Nung nagkita nga sila, there
was some kind of tension between them. So obviously hindi masyado naging
maganda yung pagkikita nila. Pro when my “pare” saw me very happy with
“drummer boy”, he just said yes. But he gave me a very clear warning.
“If ever na he hurts you or makes you cry, even just a single tear,
kahit anong pigil gawin moh sakin, malalagutan sakin yang drummer boy na
yan. Okei?!” those were his exact words. Lupit ng pare koh noh?!
Dinaig pa tatay koh! Natouch akoh with what he said. At least I know na
he still cares for me. Years had already passed.
Graduating na koh! Malapit koh na din makuha PhD koh. Yupz, nag doctor
akoh. If ever you’re wondering what happened to my “drummer boy”,
we broke up, kasi no matter how hard he tried he still can’t fill that
empty void in my heart. I know that he truly loved me but my heart was
just not into our relationship. About “pare” and Twinx. I’ve never heard
a word from them since they graduated college. I heard na Twinx is now an
executive in a famous modeling company while my best friend is now the
president of one of the top engineering firms in the country. Other
than that, wala na koh balita about them.
On my graduation day, I wish he were there. Para naman I could share
that special moment with a special person in my life. But he was not
there by my side. Though I was celebrating that day with my family and
friends, deep inside, I felt so alone. I’ve already got my PhD and
already putting my ten-year course into practice.
One Saturday morning, I got a letter from my previous high school.
Merong Alumni Homecoming and all are requested to come kasi it’s
the school’s 75th year na. Though hesitant at first, I’ve decided to go
na rin. Wala naman akoh gagawin kasi I’m on a month leave from the
hospital. Ever since I got my PhD I’ve been doing countless numbers of
surgeries and now I’m on my very first leave. I was already running
late when I got to the school. It felt to good coming back to this place.
Eh di napangiti na lang akoh. Bigla koh kasi naalala ung mga memories koh
sa school na un. And all those happy memories were shared with him.
Medyo nalungkot akoh sa thought na yun, kasi ngayon koh lang naalala na
in almost all of the most unforgettable and special days of my life was
shared and spent with him. Pro simula ng magkaroon xa ng Twinx,
nawala lahat bigla. If only I was able to set him free. Kung hindi lang
sana akoh naging stubborn and gave the girl a chance. In the auditorium,
all my high school friends we’re there. Everybody looked the same pa rin
naman, except for the suits, formal wear and gray hairs here and there.
But nonetheless, they’re still the same. I sat with my old friends.
Syempre kwento galore kami. Grabe, ang iba samin gray hair na talaga.
Syempre we all talked about our times spent in the school. All the and
happy memories we had. Grabe sobrang laugh trip talaga to go back to
memory lane. At first, I thought this whole reunion thing would be boring,
but I was wrong, wala kasi masyado pinagbago old friends koh kaya we’re
still having fun. Through the night, I felt very unease. I keep on looking
around as if looking for something or someone. Yah, I’m looking for him.
He’s one of the reasons kaya akoh nagpunta dito eh. I want to see him again.
In the middle of the program, wala pa rin xa kaya hindi na rin akoh umasa.
Hindi na siguro un dadating. So, hindi koh na tinapos ung program, nainip
na kasi akoh eh. Fine! Aminin koh na nga, nainip akoh kasi wala pa xa,
and iniisip koh xa. He’s been the only person I was thinking about all
night. I went out for a walk to catch some air and take my mind off him.
I was walking through the old campus. Not much has changed. Hindi koh
namalayan, my feet brought me to OUR sacred place. Yung place na only
the two of us knows. Gulat din akoh kung pano akoh napadpad dito.
Cguro nakasanayan na. I slowly walked towards the bench where we usually
spend our break times. Dito kami lagi eat ng lunch and dito rin kami lagi
punta just to chill and talk. I sat on my pwesto sa bench and stared
blankly into the sky, reminiscing about our good old days.
Tapos biglang dumilim. May nagtakip ng mata koh. Kinapa yung hands to
identify or at least get a clue on who it was. OH MY GOSH!!! Can’t be!!!
OH MY GOSH talaga!!!!“Pare?” I asked, then took hold of his hands and
pulled him closer to me. “OUCH!” he said. “Hindi pa rin talaga kita maloko!
Huli moh pa rin akoh.” Sabay flash ng kanyang killer smile. Tapos he
hugged me with matching whisper sa ears koh ng “I missed you.” SHOCKS!
Mangiyak ngiyak na koh nun. Tapos upo xa sa tabi koh. We sat there for a
while, tahimik lang. Parang ninanamnam na lang naming dalawa ung moment
na yun. Kasi feeling koh, pag bigla akong gumalaw or magsalita, biglang
mawala. Then he suddenly broke the ice.
“Pare congratz nga pala.” Sabi nya.
“Huh?! Saan?!” nagtataka kong tanong
“I heard you already got your PhD na.”
“Ah… oo, thanks.” Tapos another moment of silence, tapos,
“Pare, I missed you. Sobra.” Sabi nya with malalim na buntong hininga
then tingin sakin, pro nung tignan koh xa, biglang tingin xa ulit sa sky.
“I missed you too.” Sabi koh in a soft tone. Ewan koh lang kung napuna nya
ung sadness sa boses koh.
“What have you been up to lately?” tanong nya. So, nagstart na kami
magkwentuhan. Kwento ng mga happenings sa life ng isa’t isa pero ewan
koh lang kung napansin nya pro, I noticed na neither of us were talking
about our love lives. Tapos pagusapan ang present, nabalik kami sa nakaraan.
Ung mga memories namin. Ung mga kalokohan namin and all the good and bad
times we’ve been through.
“Grabe! I’ve been through so much na pala! Buti na lang meron akong taga
salo!” sabi koh.
“Syempre. Iwan ba kita?! Kaw pa?! Eh pare kita eh!” sabi nya.
Gusto ko sabihin, “talaga lang?!”
“Ahahaha!!! Dapat lang noh!!” sabi koh, pinilit koh na magbiro,
para maitago ung nasa loob koh.
“Lahat ng important and most memorable times natin was shared with each
other noh?!” sabi nya.
“My graduation was special for me. But you were not there.”
Sabi koh with a tone of pagtatampo.
“I was there.” Sabi nya.
“Huh?!” I looked at him to see if he was just bluffing or what.
But I saw in his eyes na he’s telling the truth.
“I was there on your graduation. I was at the back.” He said.
“Pro… Baket… Baket di ka nagpakita?! Baket di moh koh nilapitan?!”
sunod-sunod kong tanong sa kanya. Bigla kasi akoh naguluhan.
Biglang bumilis ung heart beat koh.
“Nahihiya akoh eh. Tagal akoh hindi nagparamdam tapos bigla bigla akong
susulpot?!” I just looked at hem. Speechless akoh eh.
“when I saw you get your diploma, I was very proud. Lalo na when you
gave your speech. Kinalabit koh pa nga ung katabi koh, just to tell him
na the one in front is one of the most important people in my life. I
had never seen you that happy before. Seeing you that happy was already
enough for me.” Sabay pause.
Hindi na talaga akoh makapagsalita. Parang biglang may bumara sa mga
arteries ko, bigla akoh nahirapan huminga and parang biglang nagstop
ung flow ng blood sa mga veins koh.
“I don’t know what to say.” Un na lang ung nasabi koh. After a moment of
long silence, bigla ko na lang nasabi na,
“You know, when I was up there, I was very nervous. Pro I thought about
all that I’ve been through to get to this point. Naalala koh din ung mga
times na, urge moh koh to do my best and to believe in myself. I was
thinking na if you were there I’d be more comfortable and all my worries
and fears will be gone.” Sabi koh tapos another moment of silence.
“You know what?” sabi koh bigla
“Ano un?”
“You said you saw me very happy that day db!?” I asked and he nodded in
response.
“Well, I was happy pro it felt kinda empty.”
“What do you mean?” he asked sabay tingin sakin with curiosity in his eyes.
“Kasi your not there. Every single memorable moment in my life was spent
with you beside me. I felt like I was alone. Like I don’t have anyone to
share it with.” Sabi koh na mangiyak ngiyak na.
“But I was there with you on your special day. Un nga lang, I was not
by your side literally but I was there.” Sabi nya, tapos naiyak na koh.
He hugged me to comfort me.Medyo matagal din kaming ganun. His arms
around me and my head leaning on his shoulder. Just the way it used to be.
Those simple days just him and me. Tapos nun, nagkayayaan na kami na
bumalik na sa loob. Awarding na nga eh.
Ewan koh ba kung sadya. Pro sakto kasi ung timing eh. Pagpasok namen ang
award, “Most Popular Couple in High school”. At ewan koh ba kung trip or
whatever. Ang nanalo eh, KAMI! Ahahahaha…Ü gulat kami tapos tinginan pa
silang lahat samin dalawa. Eh di wala na kami nagawa. We just walked
towards the stage together. Palakapkan naman ung mga people. Napangiti na
lang kami. Kinuha namin ung award. We were already on our way pababa ng
stage when the crowd yelled, “KISS! KISS!” grabe talaga! Hanggang ngayon
ba naman my peer pressure pa rin? Kaya as usual, we gave in and he gave me
a peck on the cheek, like before. Tapos palakpakan ulit. Parang mga bata
ulit na ngayon lang nakakita ng two people na nagkiss. Eto namang si
nakangiti lang. Feel na feel ung award. So, after quite a long night,
sa wakas uwian na.
“Hatid na kita.” Sabi nya while we were walking on the parking lot.
“No, I got my car.” Sabi koh, walking towards my car.
“Ah okei. I’ll follow you home na lang, to be sure na you get home safely.”
 Sabi nya. Ngiti na lang akoh kasi kahit naman humindi akoh, susunod pa din un eh. So, un nga. He followed me hanggang sa house koh.
He got out of the car and met up with me in my front door.
“Thanks.” Sabi koh.
“No problem. Kaw pa, papabayaan koh?!” sabi nya.
“Uhmm, would you like to have some coffee muna bago ka umalis?”
“Sure. If it’s okei with you.”
“Ano ka ba?! Yayayain ba kita na mag-coffee kung hindi okei?!
Madrama ka talaga kahit kailan!” sabay hampas ng slight sa balikat nya,
tapos pasok na kami sa loob. Binigay koh na sa kanya ung cup of coffee and
sat beside him by the fire and started talking more intently. Habang
nag-uusap kami biglang nag ring ung fone nya.
“Hello? Yes, babe. I’m on my way na. It was great.” ! Babe!
I was so to think na wala na!!! !!!
“Okay. See you later. Huh?! Okay, me too.” He said, sabay baba ng fone.
“I guess you’d better go.” sabi koh sa kanya.
“Yah, I guess I’d better go.” sabi nya, tapos hinatid koh na xa sa car nya.
“By the way can I get your number, para… u know… communication..”
sabi nya na medyo nag stutter pa.
“Oh okei.” Tapos exchange kami ng numbers sa office, sa cellphone, sa
landline, sa lahat lahat na.
“Ah by the way who was that on the phone nga pala kanina?” ask koh.
“Ah un, si Twinx.” He said na parang ilang sa subject na “Twinx”.
“Ah okei. Cge bye.” Sabi koh, nailang na din kasi akoh eh.
“Bye.” Sabi nya, tapos hug nya koh ng sobrang higpit, ung parang ayaw nya
na koh pakawalan, naiyak naman akoh kasi I missed him so much, and
through out the night, that moment koh lang talaga na feel ung presence
nya, ung feeling na he still exists and he’s still there for me. dapat
mern pang color coding yan eh
nkakatamad na kaya pakiintindi na lang .TY.When we let go of each other,
he saw my tears and wiped it away.
“Lam moh naman na sa lahat ng ayaw koh, ung nakikita kang umiiyak eh.
Tahan na.” Sabi nya.
“Eh kasi naman noh, kamiss ka kasi. Oh cge na. Bye na!” Tapos kiss ulit
sa cheeks.
“Wag na iiyak ulit ha?! Bye.”
“Okei. Ingatz sa pag drive.” Sabi koh and I went inside na.
After that, bumalik ung communication namin. We started hanging out again,
pag may oras tapos he’d call me up just to say hi and un. Naging close ulit
kami. So happy na koh dun. Tapos at least once a week, we’d go out to
dinner and watch some movies. I was working late at the hospital one night.
When I was about to go, someone paged me and I ran as fast as I can.
When I got there, I saw him standing with my favorite chocolates in hand.
I was like, “What’s going on? Everything okay?” nag panic kasi akoh eh,
cguro kasi ganun ang reaction koh pag nasa hospital.
“Nothing. I just wanted to see if your okei.” He said.
“Oh, I’m a mess, I’ve been running around all day and I still haven’t
eaten. What’s the chocolate for?”
“Oh, this? I thought you’d like some. I know it’s your pick-me-up food.”
“Oh really? That’s so sweet. Thanks.” I said, sabay kuha sa chocolates na
inabot nya.
“Are you about to get off?” he asked
“Yah, actually I was about to go home, when someone paged me.”
Sabi koh na medyo nagpaparinig. Hehehe…Ü “Oh really? Well I was just
wonderin’…”
“Hey hon, ready to go?” singit ng isa sa mga doctors sa hospital, kaya
“pare” never got to finish his sentence.
“Yah, hon in a moment.” I said na medyo kinakabahan kasi sobrang
awkward nung moment na un. When pare saw doc, there was some kind of
disappointment in his face, na I can’t explain. Kaya I don’t know if I
should introduce them to each other. I opted not to. Kasi masyado
akoh nagpanic. And to think, na my job is about not panicking. Anyways,
wala na ring chance, kasi doc just gave me and pare a smile and head off
to the parking lot na.
“Uhmm, nu ulit ung sinasabi moh? You were gonna ask me something diba?”
sabi koh na mejo ilang pa rin.
“Ah, un wala un. Uhmm, hon?!” sabi nya, obviously referring to doc.
Hindi na koh nakasagot kasi may cell rang, for sure si doc un.
“Uhmm, cge una na koh. See you later okei?” sabi koh na mejo ilang pa din.
“Uhmm, cge. Call you later okei?”
“Okei.” Tapos beso beso sabay split na. When I got to doc’s car, he
looked at me as if there’ s something wrong.
“So, xa pala un.” Sabi ni doc, na obviously referring to my pare,
pro syempre innocent effect akoh.
“Xa un dba?! Ung best friend moh na hindi moh makalimutan.”
Sabi nya looking intently into my eyes.
“Well yah. So what? He’s just my friend.” Sabi koh na umiiwas ng tingin
sa kanya kasi when he looked at me, I saw in his eyes na he was hurt
seeing me with pare.
“Yah, your friend and your first love na hanggang ngayon hindi moh pa
rin makalimutan.” Sabi nya na may disappointment sa boses nya.
“It’s the past. Pati ba naman nakaraan pagseselosan moh?” sabi koh na
mejo naiirita na.
“Un na nga eh. I have to compete with your past!” sabi nya.
“Will you just drop it?! I wanna go home. I lost my appetite.”
sabi koh. I already lost my patience. Hindi koh na kinaya ung mga
sinasabi nya.
“What?! But you haven’t eaten yet.” Sabi nya
“I said I wanna go home!”
“But you need to eat something.”
Hay naku! Napuno na koh sa kanya. I got out of the car and nag walk out
akoh. Bad trip! Ngaun pa koh nawalan ng ride pauwi. Nasa shop pa naman
ngaun ung car koh kaya I had no choice. Isang tao lang maaasahan koh at
times like this. “Thanks pare. Buti na lang naabutan pa kita.” Sabi koh sa
kanya nung nasa car nya kami on the way sa isang resto.
“Syempre noh. Kaw pa? Lam moh naman na hindi kita matitiis eh.”
Sabi nya. Napangiti na lang akoh nun. Buti na lang naabutan koh xa.
I called him up tapos sakto, in just a few seconds dumating na agad xa.
He’s really my knight in a shining armor. Punta kami sa isang fast food
chain, tapos dun na lang kami kumain, parang dati. Walang humpay na
kwentuhan tapos alam moh un. It made me feel like a teenager again.
 Grabe ang saya talaga.
“So, may hon ka na pala hindi moh man lang sinasabi sakin.” Bigla nya
sinabi.
“Oo, kami na nga ni doc. We’ve been together for about a year and a half.
We’ve been through med school together and matagal tagal din naman
xang nanligaw. I figured na it’s about time to give it another try and
try to forget about the past. And I was doing until, alam nyo na, nung
biglang dumating si pare.
“Ah oo. Bakit nagtanong ka ba?” sabi koh sa kanya. Tapos tawanan na lang
kami. Change topic na ulit. Parang hindi kami comfortable sa topic na
love life eh. So, after that hinatid nya na koh sa haus. I invited him
over ulit. This time, insteadof having coffee, we’re gonna watch some
movies like we used to do back in our school days. It was already late
kaya lang, sayang kasi ung opportunity namin para magbonding ulit and
stuff and pareho pa kaming hindi pa inaantok kaya ayun. In the middle of
one movie, bigla nya koh tinanong,
“Baket moh nga pala akoh bigla tinawagan? Diba ur supposed to be with doc?”
 tanong nya na mejo ikinagulat koh.
“Ah un, wala un. We just had a little fight over some petty issues.”
Sabi koh. Gusto koh na kasing tapusin ung conversation namin kasi
I’m not really comfortable talking about my fights with my boyfriend
kahit sa mga closest friends koh.
“Ah okei. Gano na kayo katagal?” tanong nya. Nag taka naman akoh, baket
kaya toh bigla nagkaroon ng interest sa love life koh?
“well, we’ve been together na for about a year and a half.” Sagot koh
“oh talaga? Tagal nyo na rin pala. Eh how did you meet? Kwento moh naman
history nyo.” Tanong nya pa ulit
“ano toh interview?” sabi koh na mejo naghihinala na sa pagtatanong nya.
“cge na sagutin moh na. Gusto koh lang naman malaman mga happenings sa
life moh since we’ve been apart. Cge na please…” sabi nya sabay make
face na paawa effect.
“Fine! Well, we met sa med school, classmate koh xa sa biology and
we have some common friends pro hindi koh xa masyado pinapansin
kasi kaka break pa lang namin ni drummer boy nun. Remember him?”
he just nodded kaya I continued my story na,
“well, anyways, eh di un nga. Eh lam moh naman pag college, party kung
saan saan. Eh one time, one of my close friends held a party,
eh magtatampo naman un kung hindi akoh pupunta tapos sabi nya may
sinet-up xang blind date for me, tapos un nga. Si doc nga un. And we
started talking kaya ayun. Lam moh na kasunod nun.” Sabi koh.
“med school? Eh a year and a half pa lang kayo db? Ang tagal na ng med
school ah!” sabi nya
“eh alam moh naman… nanligaw lang sakin when we were already working na.
Masyado kasing torpe .”
“so, all those years single ka?” tanong nya na parang may pagtataka sa
boses nya
“yup.”
“but that’s too long. Nakayanan moh un?” sabi nya
“oo naman. Para namang hindi akoh mabubuhay kung wala akong boyfriend noh?!”
sabi koh na natatawa sa kanya.
“eh ikaw? Through out all these years, nakayanan moh na isang girlfriend
lang?” tanong koh sa kanya. It’s my turn na mang interview.
“huh? Ano?” sabi nya na may balak pa yatang magdeny
“hello? Ano ka ba! Si twinx. Natiis moh na si twinx lang girlfriend moh
after me?” sabi koh na mejo nagpapatawa
“at sino naman nagsabi sayo na xa lang naging girlfriend koh after you?”
sabi nya in a tone na parang nagyayabang na hindi moh maintindihan.
“huh? You mean? Hindi kita getz!” sabi koh na sobrang naguguluhan.
“well, as you know, after you si twinx ung sumunod. Tapos after some time
nagbreak kami.” Sabi nya
“ano? Nagbreak kayo? Bakit di koh alam toh?”
“eh kasi poh, masyado kayo naging busy sa drummer boy moh noh.”
Sumbat nyasakin. Aba’t parang naging kasalanan koh pa kung nag break
ung dalawa.
“eh baket kayo nagbreak?” tanong koh, napaka chismosa koh talaga ever.
“baket kami nagbreak? Hindi kami nag work out.”
“baket di nag work out?”
“kasi poh madalas ka nyang pagselosan at kung anu-ano pang bagay bagay
sa tabi. Happy?” wow! Hindi akoh nakapagsalita dun ah. I’m one of the
reasons pala kung baket sila nagbreak.
“anyways, so un nga nagbreak kami. For some time I was single pro ung mga
college friends koh ang hilig man set-up kaya kung kani kanino nila
akoh pinepair up pro okei lang sakin. Tapos un, I found someone I like.
Kaya ayun, naisip koh why don’t I give it a try kasi la din naman
mawawala sakin diba? Kaya ayun. Naging kami and stuff. Tapos nagbreak
din kami after six weeks kasi hindi kami masyado nagkakasundo. After that,
nag simula ulit akoh makipagdate. Tapos nag try ulit akoh ng isa pang
relationship, ka officemate koh. Kala koh un na un. Sineryoso koh un.
Kaya lang ang buhay sadyang isang malaking bad trip, kung kelan naman
akoh nagseryososa relationship eh tsaka naman akoh pinagtripan.”
Tuloy nya sa kwento nya.
“huh? Panong napagtripan?” tanong koh
“eh di un nga, akoh si seyosong seryoso. Thinking na xa na nga ung girl
for me. One time sabi nya magoovertime daw xa kaya nauna na koh, eh di
umalis na koh, nasa daan na koh nun nung naalala koh na may naiwan pala
akong importanteng blue print sa office koh, pagbalik koh sa office,
nakita koh xa making out with my closest friend sa company. Kaya
ayun nakipag split akoh. For some time, parang nadepress akoh kaya
nilunod koh ung sarili koh sa trabaho para mawala lahat un sa isip koh.
Come to think of it, it was because of that incident kaya akoh naging
president ng firm kaya I think I should also thank the girl.” Sabi nya
“eh pano umeksena si twinx sa hectic and very busy sched ng isang
presidente ng isang firm?” tanong koh
“well, nagkita ulit kami sa opening nung building na I designed for
the modeling company na she was working for. Tapos un, she just got off
an awful engagement,tapos un. We got reacquainted and decided to give it
another try kaya ayun.Kami na ulit.” Sabi nya finishing his story.
“wow! You’ve been through a lot. Eh musta naman relationship nyo ngaun ni
twinx?” tanong koh
“ngaun? Well, we’ve been together na for about 2 years na.”
“eh matagal tagal na rin pala kayo eh.”
“kaya lang, I’m getting tired na of our relationship. There are some
things na we just get agree upon. Lam moh un. Tapos ngaun koh
lang nakita ung tunay na twinx. Ung tunay nyang ugali.”
“what do you mean? Like what kind of traits?”
“like ung pagiging sobrang selosa nya, pati sa trabaho koh nagseselos,
pati nga sa aso koh nagseselos xa eh. Tapos ngaun koh lang nakita ung
obsession nya sa sarili nya. Gusto nya xa lagi ang first priority.
Naiinis na nga akoh. Hindi koh naman xa mahiwalayan.”
“baket hindi?” tanong koh ulit.
“ewan koh. Cguro nanghihinayang akoh. Saying naman lahat ng napagdaanan
namin diba? Wan koh basta. Minsan gusto koh na talagang sabihing ayoko na,
kaya lang ewan koh ba!” tapos natahimik na lang kami and continued watching
 the movie. It was already super late na.
“uwi na kaya akoh?” sabi nya
“hay naku! Delikado kaya. Why don’t you spend the night here na lang.”
“are you sure?”
“hay naku! Yan ka na naman sa drama moh! Oo naman noh!” tapos kinuha
koh ung comforter sa closet tapos nilatag namin together sa baba ng couch.
After about three movies, we decided to sleep na. I slept on the couch
tapos xa sacomforter. He was holding my hand nuing nakapwesto na kami to
sleep. Kaya lang that night hindi akoh makatulog. Kasi parang I’m afraid to
sleep kasi baka this is all a dream, and pag natulog akoh biglang mawala.
 “pare, nu kaya nangyari kung tayo ang nagkatuluyan?” bigla nyang tanong.
Nagulat akoh kasi akala koh tulog na xa.Hindi na lang akoh nagsalita baka
kasi kung ano pa ang masabi koh pro ewan koh ba. There was something about
the way he said those words that made me cry. Parang may panghihinayang sa
boses nya. Kakaisip, nakatulog in akoh still holding his hand.
When I woke up, nakita koh la na ung comforter, it was already neatly
kept in the closet. Kala koh umalis na xa kaya I felt a little bit
disappointed. I took a big sighand just stood up to get ready for work.
“oh, gising ka na pala?” nagulat akoh. Pagtingin koh, xa pala un.
Nasa kitchen atnagluluto.
“your cooking?” sabi koh kasi talagang hindi xa tipong chef.
“well, yah. Nu naman masama.”
“may balak kang lasunin akoh noh?” sabi koh na medyo nangaasar,
tapos pinuntahan koh xa dun sa may kitchen and took a glimpse of
what he was cooking. Infairness, it smelled good.
“ano ka ba? Wala ka bang tiwala sakin?” tanong nya sakin.
And I just shook my head and smiled at head
“ganun? Ah basta, why don’t you just go and get ready for work,
then after that, you’ll get to taste heaven.”
“ah ganun? Yabang.”
“ewan. Just go. matitikman moh din toh mamaya.” Sabi nya, sabay tulak
sakin palabas ng kitchen.
So umakyat na koh sa taas and got ready for work na nga.
Naligo nga koh with a smile on my face sa sobrang tuwa.
Pagbaba koh, nakita koh ung presentation nya sa dining table.
Grabe ang ganda.
“Wow!” un na lang ung nasabi koh. And pinuntahan koh na ung table,
seeing the  food that he prepared suddenly made me hungry.
“this smells good.”
“of course it does.” Sabi nya, then pulled up a chair for me,
and umupo na xa sa chair in front of me.
“but does it taste good?” sabi koh na mejo nanunukso pa.
“why don’t you just try it and see for yourself.”
He said while putting big helpings into my plate.
I just smiled mischievously na parang nagpapacute.
And when I took the first bite, all I had to say was, “Wow!”
it was so delicious. I never knew na he could cook He just smiled at
me when he heard me say wow. Sobrang proud na proud xa sa nagawa nya.
And he made the least effort of showing it to me.
We talked and chatted during our meal. Tawanan sa mga kwento nya
and sa mga walang humpay na mga corny nyang jokes na ewan koh ba,
up to now, still makes me laugh kahit na sobrang corny.
“well?” sabi nya sakin after we ate.
“well what?” sabi koh na pa inosente effect.
“well, what can you say sa luto koh?
“well,…” sabi koh na mejo nantitrip. Miss koh na toh, ung mga times na
ganto. Most of all, miss koh na talaga pare koh.
“well, ano? Pwede na ba?” tanong nya na mejo natetense na yata.
It feels good na my opinion still matters to him.
“well, yah. Pwede na. Pwedeng pwede na.” Sabi koh and he let out a
big sigh of relief. Para bang nabunutan sya ng malaking tinik.
“wow, di koh lam marunong ka pala magluto. Bakit di koh alam toh?”
 sabi koh sa kanya.
“well, when I graduated I started living on my own na, and of course
I had to cook for myself. And one time, I was watching this food channel,
and I found it interesting so, I tried my luck and bought a couple of
cookbooks and tried some of the recipes there. Tapos my interest in
cooking grew, so when I already had a stable job, I started taking
cooking lessons.” He explained.
“talaga? Wow. I never really imagined you as a kitchen person.” Sabi koh.
“well, me too. I never even saw myself in the kitchen. Pro I found it
amusing and relaxing. Specially, when I’m down, depressed. And sometimes
I cook, to release some stress. Now, parang I can’t live without cooking.
Sabi nga ng mga officemates koh, I should start my own business na daw.
Like a restaurant or something.” He continued.
“well, why don’t you try. You have the talents naman eh.” Sabi koh,
encouraging him.
“gusto koh sana, para may fall back akoh. Cause I know naman na someday
I’d have to retire at least meron pa ring source of income. Pro I still
have my doubts kasi I’m now at the peak of my career and I don’t want to
loose my momentum. Maybe someday na lang un.” Sabi nya
“sige, basta when you’ve decided to venture into the food business, tell me.
I could be your associate. I always wanted to have a business of my own.”
Sabi koh, then he helped me in cleaning up the kitchen and in washing the
dishes. After that, he gave a ride to work.
“gosh, I have never eaten so much in my life.” Sabi koh sa kanya, while we
were on the road.
“well, wala ka ng mahahanap na katulad ng luto koh noh” sabi nya na mejo
nagmamayabang.
“you’ve spoiled me, and now, I don’t think I can live a week without
tasting your very delicious meals.” Sabi koh.
“eh lagi ka naman spoiled sakin eh.” Sabi nya
“alam koh, kaya from now on, instead of going out to dinner, pupunta ka sa
bahay and cook for me.”
“okei. Wala na naman akong magagawa diba?”
“right!” sabi koh, and with that we both laughed and talked happily on our
way to the hospital.
All through out the day I had a smile on my face. Everybody was saying na
I was blooming daw. Well, why shouldn’t I be dba? Everything seems to be
perfect. When I was walking through the halls of the hospital to check on
one of my patients, nakasalubong koh si doc. I had clearly forgotten about
him and our argument. Ngayon koh lang naalala na may tampuhan nga pala kami.
I just walked past him. Hindi koh nga xa pinansin eh. Pro, hinawakan nya
koh sa may wrist stopping me,
“what?” sabi koh na mejo nagtataray. Mejo bad trip pa rin kasi akoh sa
kanya eh.
“can we just talk?” sabi nya
“we have nothing to talk about.” Sabi koh sa kanya.
“look, I’m sorry. I was just….” Sabi nya, pleading.
“I have some things to do. I have a patient waiting up for me.
I don’t have time for this right now.” Sabi koh cutting his sentence short.
“but this is important.” Sabi nya
“my patient’s life is more important. So please lang. Wag ngaun.”
Sabi koh tapos I got my hand back and continued on my way to my patient’s
room. Wala na syang nagawa and just looked at me. For the rest of the day,
iniwasan koh si doc. I’m not yet ready to talk to him. When I finished my
shift I went to the shop to get my car, sa wakas natapos din ung car koh.
I drove safely home and had peace on my mind. Actually, I was thinking
about pare all through out the day. I don’t know, maybe he’s the reason
why I had a smile on my face all day kahit na sobrang stressed na koh sa
hospital. Kaw ba naman makatikim ng ganung kasarap na breakfast diba?!
When I got home, there were rose petals everywhere leading to my door step…
tapos dun sa may doorstep koh, nakalagay, sorry, spelled in rose petals,
tapos my boquet ng red roses sa tabi tapos my letter. pag pasok koh sa haus,
binasa koh ung letter, it was from doc. he was saying sorry and all… sa
baba ng letter, nakalagay, look outside your window. So, lumabas na nga
akoh. He came up to me and gave me the flowers and all the ballons.
Tahimik muna kami nung una. Alangan naming akoh una magsalita eh sya ung
may dapat sabihin diba?! Basta akoh lumabas akoh para makinig sa explanation
nya at tumanggap ng mga peace offerings nya. Hehehe…Ü
“uhmm, hon?!” sabi nya with his head down
“hon ka dyan.” Sabi koh,na mejo nagtataray pa. aba! I won’t let this slip
away just like that.
“okei, I admit, I was wrong telling you off like that. I acted immaturely
and I just want to say..” his voice trailing off
“you just want to say what?!”
“I just want to say I’m sorry. Could you ever forgive me?!” sabi nya
“give me five good reasons why I should forgive you.” Sabi koh.
“well, let me see first. Because I was under stress that time. Second,
I’ll never do it again. I promise. Third, I was such a jerk and I sucked in
a lot of guts to say this in front of you.” Sabi nya, I was trying to hide
my smile when he was thinking of reasons for me to forgive him.
“and then?” sabi koh na mejo nabitin
“fourth..”sabi nya, when I looked at him the only expression you could see
in his face is pure sincerity. “the fourth is, I love too much… and I’m
afraid to loose you.” He said
I was touched. “really?! You mean that?!” I asked
“of course. So am I forgiven?!” he asked
“you still have one more reason. That was only four I need five.”
Sabi koh na mejo natatawa na.
“well, wait lang my fifth reason is in the car.” So bumalik sya sa car nya
and may kinuha pag balik nya may dalang 2 boxes of cake.
“well, my fifth reason is…” sabi nya na parang nambibitin pa yata.
“what?!” sabi koh na mejo curious.
“I bought you your favorite cake.” Sabi nya na nakangiti. Napangiti na
lang din akoh.
“there you go, I finally saw your smile again. So am I forgiven?!” sabi nya
“well, you promise to never do it again?!” sabi koh
“yah, I promise.”
“okei, your forgiven. C’mon let’s eat this delicious cake.”
I said smiling then he hugged me and we went inside na. inside we ate the
cake and talked about stuff. It was nice kasi bati na ulit kami. Ngayon
koh lang narealize na kahit paano na miss koh din pala toh. So,
after nun we got along na and everything in our relationship went on
smoothly. Mas nagkaintindihan na kami. Happy na koh kasi maayos na ang
lahat.
Months have passed by so fast. Everything is going so well. My relationship
with doc is doing fine. Sobrang close ulit kami ni pare. As promised,
during our movie nights, he always cooks for me at pinapataba akoh ng sobra!
One Friday as usual, movies and sobrang sarap na foods ni pare. While
watching some flicks, nagring ung phone koh. Syempre mas close sa phone si
pare kaya xa na ung sumagot ng phone,(feel at home na kasi sya eh).
“hello?” sabi nya
“uh, wait lang.” Then binigay nya na sakin ung phone.
“hello?” sabi koh.
“hello hon?” si doc, ung nasa other line,tapos parang naiirita ung voice nya
“oh, baket?!” sabi koh
“sino un?! Was that Eric?! I didn’t know na he was staying in your place
pala ngayon, kala koh ba next week pa?” sabi nya
“ha?! Ano?!?! Anong pinagsasabi moh dyan?!” sabi koh kasi mejo naguguluhan
na  koh sa mga sinasabi niya eh.
“next week pa nga dadating si eric. Ano ka ba?” tanong koh sa kanya.
“eh sino ung sumagot ng phone?!” sabi nya although feel koh naman na alam
na niya who it was, ayaw lang nya aminin
“si pare. Lam moh naman diba na lagi kaming may movie night?!”
sabi ko na in amatter-of-fact tone. Habang nag uusap kami ni doc, halata
koh na mejo naiilang si pare.
“huh?! si pare?! Andyan?! Eh di kayong dalawa lang there?!”
“yah, so?! What’s wrong with that?!” sabi koh na mejo na iinis na kasi vibe
koh na,na mejo nagseselos na xa, and I hate it when he does that.
“uhmm, wala lang. Nakalimutan koh lang.” Sabi nya.
“so, bat ka napatawag?! Hindi ka naman siguro tumawag dito para makipag
away diba?!” sabi koh
“ah wala lang, just checking on you. I was gonna ask you out for dinner
sana kaya lang nakalimutan koh nga na you have your movie night nga pala
with pare. Kaya ayun.” Sabi nya
“ah okei. Ge, gotta finish the movie pa eh. It’s a very good movie.” Sabi koh.
“oh I see. Okei.” Sabi ni doc, then I saw pare making a gesture to invite
doc over.
“uhmm, wait lang ha?” sabi koh sa kay doc, then tinakpankoh ung mouthpiece
para sure na hindi akoh maririnig ni doc.
“anong pinagsasabi moh jan?!” sabi koh kay pare na mejo na iinis din.
“ang sabi koh, why don’t you invite him over to watch the rest of the
movies with us.” Sabi ni pare.
“ano ka ba! Diba nga sacred night natin toh?!” sabi koh
“I know pero wala lang, tanungin moh lang naman kung gusto nya sumama diba?!
Is there something wrong with that?!”
“remember the last time merong umepal sa movie night natin?1 it didn’t
really went well remember?! “ sabi koh na talagang naiinis na.
“well, just try okei?! Please?!” sabi nya and gave me the look. Oh that
look! He knows I can’t refuse that look.
“fine!” sabi koh na mejo napilitan na din. Sabay kuha ulit ng telepono.
“hello?! Still there?!’ tanong koh kay doc
“yah, still here.” Sabi nya(doc)
“ah okei.”
“so what’s up?!” he asked
“well, pare and I were just wondering if you’d like to come over and join
us watch the rest of the movies over here.” Sabi koh na mejo napipilitan.
Siguro napansin ni doc un kaya ung sagot nya,
“uhm, no thanks na lang. I just received a page na I’m needed sa hospital.”
Sabi nya.
“ah okei. See you tomorrow na lang okei.” Sabi ko
“okei, bye, love you!” he said
“I love you too. Take care. Ingatz sa pagdrive.” Sabi koh. I don’t know
but for some reason I think that my “I love you” to doc sounded a little
bit like pilit. Hindi koh alam kung bakit, I’m just not comfortable saying
I love you to other people, specially to other guys, kapag kasama koh si
pare.
“so?! Ano sabi?!” ask ni pare.
“ayun, hindi pwede kasi bigla nag page ung hospital kaya diretso na xa dun.
Sabi koh naman sau eh” sabi koh na mejo nabunutan ng tinik
“well, what about next Friday?!” sabi nya
“WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?” sabi koh na sobrang nabigla sa sinabi nya
“well, next Friday, why don’t you invite him over and I’ll bring twinx
here para naman magkakilanlan sila. I’d like to hace a talk with your
honey to make sure namy pare is in good hands.” Na mejo sarcastic pa ung
dating nung sinabi nya ung honey.
“but those are about us. About us spending more time together. Us meaning
only the two of us.!” Sabi koh
“well, let’s make an exception.”
“why?! Tell me why.”
“to tell you truth, kasi twinx is starting to get jealous and stuff.
Alam moh naman un eh. Kaya ayun naghihinala na, kaya it would really be
better for the both of us, kung magkakaharap-harap na tayong lahat.
Kahit naman hindi moh sabihin, alam koh naman na kapag na me-mention akoh
sa mga conversations nyo, I know na nagkakaron ng tension between you two.
Am I right?!” sabi nya hindi na lang muna akoh nakapagsalita coz’ what he
said was true. It would really be better if we all face each other and get
rid of allthe worries and anxieties and suspicions. So when, I came to my
senses I finally agreed and said yes,
“fine, pro this one time lang ha!?” sabi koh
“opoh, this one tym lang” sabi nya sabay akbay sakin then we finished na
all the movies
The next day, I-napproach koh na nga si doc, and told him about the get
together sa house.
“so, I’ll see you at about mga 8 siguro. Okei?!’ sabi koh
“okei. Who will be there again?!” sabi nya, hindi nya siguro akoh narinig
kasi biglang pumasok ung nurse and gave him some results of his patient.
“pare and twinx. Pare will be cooking the food kaya you don’t have to do
anything,just come okei?!” sabi koh.
“okei, what time ulit?!’ sabi nya while looking at the results “about 8.
okei?! Don’t forget ha?!” sabi koh, then I was paged na so I had to go.
Big night na! Oh my gosh! Oh boy, this is gonna be awkward talaga! I mean,
I haven’t seen twinx for years now, and I never really got along with her
and doc and pare is not really that buddy buddy with each other kaya un.
Kakaibang gabi toh ngayon! Ewan koh na lang kung anong mangyayari.
Then biglang nag ring ung doorbell koh, it was just about mga 7 kaya I was
shocked, to see pare.
“oh baket ang aga moh?!”
“hello?! Alangan namang ma-late ung cook noh?!” sabi nya sabay, beso tapos
diretso na sa kitchen with all his ingredients and started working on
dinner na.I was about to close the door when I saw a very sexy but not that
beautiful girl coming over. May dalang bowl. Si twinx ba toh?! Ewan koh lang
.Naalala koh tuloy, the first time I ever saw her she was also carrying a
bowl of chips. Ano ba toh?! Lagi na lang bang may dalang bowl ‘tong babaeng
 toh?!
“hey! How you’ve been?! Haven’t seen you in a while.” Sabi nung gurl.
Ah! Si twinx nga toh, feeling close pa rin eh.
“hey!” sabi koh na mejo napipilitan ngumiti, “oo nga eh, etoh doctor na.”
Sabay beso kay twinx.
“ui, tuloy ka, come in come in.” sabi koh and pumasok na nga xa sa loob.
“oh, ano naman yang dala moh?!” tanong koh sa kanya na may forced smile pa
rin.
“ah etoh, kasi nakakahiya naman dumating ng walang dala diba?! Kaya nagdala
 akoh ng salad, hope you like it.” sabi nya.
“oh you shouldn’t have but thanks na rin.” Sabi koh, then kinuha koh na
ung bowl and nilagay sa ref. I offered twinx some juice and invited her to
sit muna sa may living room kasi nga nagluluto pa si pare and wala pa si
doc.
“so, what have you been up to lately?!” ask ni twinx
“uhm, I’m now a surgeon.” Sabi koh
“really?! What kind?! I mean, what’s your specialty?!”
“nuero. But I also do, general surgery.”
“oh really?! Why don’t you try plastic surgery?! You know, I’ve got this
friend who’s a plastic surgeon, and she earns a ton of money…..”
blah blah blah… ewan! Kwento xa ng kwento about her friend ng a na
plastic surgeon na yumaman dahil dun tapos hindi na koh masyado nakarelate
sa mga kinukwento nya. I just nodded and smiled pra naman hindi akoh
magmukhang bastos diba?!
“uhm, twinx, wait lang ha, may tumatawag yata eh.” Sabi koh sabay alis.
It was a big sigh of relief. Nakahinga din akoh. The one calling was doc,
he was gonna be a little late daw kasi he still haw some work to do.
“pare, doc will be a little late, kasi nagkaroon xa ng emergency patient and
he had to do an immediate bypass surgery. Kaya ayun.”
“ah okei.” Sabi ni pare from the kitchen, hindi na koh pumasok sa kitchen
kasi he doesn’t like being disturbed when cooking. Ewan koh ba dun. T
hen pinuntahan koh na ulit si twinx sa couch, wala na kasi akoh choice eh.
Ewan koh ba, kahit anong gawin koh talagang ang bigat talaga ng loob
koh sa babaeng toh. Hindi koh talaga xa feel. Prang I don’t feel like
wasting my time talking to her. Ewan koh!
“so, your boyfriend is also a doctor?!” sabi nya.
Hay naku, kahit anong pilit koh talaga hindi koh talaga xa feel kausapin.
“yah. Surgeon din.” Sabi koh.
“where did you two meet?!”
“med school.” Na iilang na koh sa mga tanong nya.
“eh how long…” hindi nya na natapos kasi bigla na koh sumingit.
“uy, have you seen this flick na ba?! Wanna watch it?! ganda!” sabi koh
then put the movie on para matahimik na ‘tong babaeng toh. Hindi koh na
kasi talaga ma-take. Kaya ayun, no choice xa, natahimik din xa. Sa wakas!
Kaya, we just watched the movie na lang. After the movie, odd silence na
sumunod.
“dinner’s ready!” sabi ni pare,
“okei. Uhmm, twinx, excuse lang ha?! I’ll just arrange the table.”
Sabi koh then tumayo na koh papunta sa dining room.
“oh, let me help.” Sabi nya, sabay tayo na din sa seat nya.
“no, no, it’s okei.”
“no, let me help”
“wag na, you’re my guest. You should just chill and feel at home.”
“but..” aba! At hihirit pa!
“wag na… it’s okei.. akoh na lang. Thanks for the offer na rin.”
Sabi koh and then smiled. So napilitan na rin xa kaya naupo na lang xa
ulit and watched some t.v. na lang. Preparing the table made me relax.
I don’t know. For some reason it took my mind off the pressure na pwedeng
idala ng dinner na ‘toh. Ewan koh ba! Basta, parang sobrang stressed akoh
ngayon. Paranmg mas relaxed pa kohkapag tumatakbo akoh sa hospital whenever
somebody pages me. Hindi lang talaga akoh siguro sanay. After finishing
the table, I helped pare to put some finishing touches to his masterpiece.
Then biglang nag ring ung doorbell, I was about to go get it, pero twinx
volunteered to get it kaya I just let her do it. When I came out of the
kitchen nakita koh si doc, having a little chit-chat with twinx.
“oh hey!” sabi ni doc.
“hey!” sabi koh then he kissed me on the cheeks.
“I brought a little something, hope you like it, I know It’s your favorite.”
He said, sabay abot ng bote ng favorite red wine koh. After putting the red
wine in the cooler I introduced twinx to doc.
“uhm, by the way,hon, this is twinx, pare’s girlfriend” sabi koh
“twinx, si doc, boyfriend koh.” Sabi koh, introducing them to each other.
“nice to meet you.” Sabi ni twinx, then she held out her hand to doc.
“same here.” Sabi naman ni doc, and shook her hand smiling.
“okei! Now that everybody’s here, let’s eat!” sabi ni pare then we all
went to the dining room and started dinner.Dinner was good, syempre si
pare ba naman magluto diba?! Kahit si doc napabilib sa luto ni pare.
“no wonder, tumataba ngeon toh eh” sabi nya obviously referring
to me, “with the food your cooking for her, grabeh! Even I would get used
to this. Now, you should cook for me!” he continued. Napatawa na lang kami
tapos sobrang flattered naman si pare. But I have to admit, I was a bit
uncomfortable when doc made that comment. Ewan koh, para kasing its very
awkward na hindi koh maintindihan. Masaya naman ung dinner, everybody
getting along, and so far, wala pa naman masyadong tension happening
between either parties, which is good. For dessert, kinain namin ung
salad na dala ni twinx. It was good pero not my taste but its okei naman,
everyone seemed to like it.After dinner, we all had a little chat then
watched then watched some movies. It was a bit odd for me, spending this
night with other people other than pare, ewan koh! Basta un ung naïf-feel
koh eh. After the movie, and after one empty bottle of red wine, it was
time to unwind a little and talk just to keep each other sober. While
they were all happily chatting I politely excused myself kasi I have to
clean up all the dishes, kesa naman hintayin koh silang lahat umalis, at
least ngayon pa lang, simulan koh na para pag-alis nila I could rest na.
While washing some dishes bigla pumasok si pare,
“oh, nu gingawa moh dito?” sabi ko, still busy washing the dishes
“came here to help” sabi nya as he picked up some of the dishes and wiped
them dry.
“baket nu nangyari sa labas?!” sabi koh na mejo sumilip sa labas, I just
saw doc and twinx having a good conversation.
“they seem to be getting along very well” sabi koh. “well yeah, apparently
they found a lot of things to tal about. It seems like the plastic surgeon
twinx was talking about was a gud friend of doc and they had kicked it off
from there.” Sabi nya
“eh baket ka umalis?!” tanong koh
“eh hindi akoh masyado maka-relate sa mga pinag-uusapan nila and para namang
makakasingit akoh sa dalawang un, eh tignan moh nga paranag silang dalawa
lang ang tao sa mundo.” Sabi nya na mejo may sarcasm tapos un, natawana
lang kami pareho and we both started talking and started building our own
world.
In the back of my mind, naiisip koh na, it would have been better kung
nagkapalit-palit kami ng partners. I’d surely be happy with pare and I
think the two would behappy together. After all the dishes done, and after
a very long conversation between twinx and doc, they all finally decided to
go home and rest. And besides pare-pareho pa kaming may pasok bukas.
Everybody had smiles on their faces when they went home and that felt good.
Pagkatapos kung ayusin lahat and made sure that everything is where it’s
supposed to be, humiga na koh sa kama but still no matter how hard I try I
still can’t sleep. I just found myself staring at my ceiling that was
painted to look like the night sky, still thinking. I came to realize that
just a minute ago I was actually thinking that I’d be more happier if I
was still in the arms of pare. Then suddenly I found myself confused.
Bigla ako naging unsure sa feelings koh. Ithought that I was already over
him and that all I felt for him was just as a friend. Akala koh I have
moved on na and the one I really want to be with is doc. Pro parang
everything that is on my mind is questioned by my subconscious. It’s making
me more confused. Parang sinasabi nya sakin na, do you really want to be
with doc?! or sinasabi moh lang yan ‘cause you’re thinking na being with
pare is wrong. But that is what you really want. Pinipilit moh lang ung
sarili moh to believe na si doc nga ang gusto moh dahil un ang sa tingin
moh ang tama. Tama ba koh?! Grabeh! ! Baket akoh nagkakaganito?! Bakit
akoh bigla na confuse?! I’m pretty sure na si doc na talaga ang gusto koh.
Pro kahit hindi moh man aminin sa sarili moh, ur heart still belongs to
pare. Tama na! Tama na! Tama na! Ayoko na! Naguguluhan na talaga akoh.
Hindi koh na alam ang gagawin koh.Bahala na! Tulog lang toh! I just need
some rest, and tomorrow I’m sure it will all be gone and everything’s
going to be fine. Is everything going to be fine?! Hirit pa ng subconscious
koh, lufet noh?! Eventually nakatulog din naman akoh kahit paano.
The next day I got up early than I had too kasi I just got a message from
the hospital and they need me there because of an accident happened kaya
nagmadali akong nag-ayos at dali-daling pumunta sa hospital. When I got
there everything was so chaotic that I’ve never seen the hospital like this.
sobrang gulo. All day I’ve been running around doing surgeries here and
there. It was a good thing that I don’t have any scheduled surgery that day.
Mga madaling araw na the next morning, tsaka lang nag settle down ung
hospital, puro check-ups na lang kaya I got some rest na din kahit paano.
I was on my way to one of my patient’s room nung nakasalubong koh si doc sa
hall. He was busy looking unto some results kaya hindi nya na rin akoh
napansin, it was okei for me kasi we had our priorities straight, na our
first priority would always be our patients. But seeing doc brought back
all my thoughts last night. Ewan koh ba. Bakit ngaun pa lahat toh
nangyayari, just when I thought that everything was going on my way, then
all these things happens. I really don’t need this right now. I just don’t
know what to do.I was really confused with my feelings but I just tried my
best to forget it. I don’t need this right now. I have a lot of things to
do and a lot of things in my mind. So, eventually, nakalimutan koh din un,
kasi binabad koh ung sarili koh sa work.
Then movie night namin, as usual we spent the night together ulit. Wala na
naging doubts from the other parties na the two of us our spending the
night, mas nag aalala pa nga sila kung hindi kaming dalawa ang magkasama.
Ganun nag develop ung trust nila samin. Parang they have already accepted
the fact na mag best friends talaga kami and nothing can change that.
The next morning, umalis xa una sakin. But he was thoughtful enough to
prepare breakfast for me and he placed it sa may bedside table. I was so
touched. After finishing my breakfast, I decided to clean the house, I’ve
been busy these days and hadn’t had the time to clean. So I decided to
clean now while I have the chance. When I was at the bathroom arranging all
my products, I saw something shining by the sink, nung tignan koh, ung
bracelet ni pare na binigay koh sa kanya for our 2nd anniversary. Hindi
koh ma explain ung feelings koh nung nakita koh ulit ung bracelet. I was
happy na rin kasi after all these years nasa kanya pa rin toh and it means
na suot pa rin nya. I wonder kung baket hindi koh un napansin. I was happy
but also sad in a way. Kasi it brought back all the memories nung kami pa,
nakakapanghinayang eh. It made me realize once more that we’ve been through
a lot together.  After cleaning I just sat in front of the TV still holding
the bracelet. Bigla may nag page sakin, I was needed sa hospital daw kaya
nagmadali na koh, ewan koh siguro sa pagmamadali, sinuot koh na lang ung
bracelet. I don’t know pro the whole day na I was wearing the bracelet
parang I could feel the presence of pare. I felt secured. Kaya parang
nanghinayang akoh na ibalik kasi ewan koh. Kaya I kept it to myself na lang.
I’d give it back kapag tinanong na nya koh kung nakita koh ba ung bracelet.
Ewan koh lang kung sadya or whatever, kasi after that, seldom na kami
magkita ni pare. We hadn’t had time for our movie nights and even for calls.
Sobrang naging busy kaming dalawa so parang nag fade ulit ung
communication but we try our best. At least an e-mail a week other than that
,wala na.Well, I’d have to say na I miss pare pro I think it’s for the best
 Na din. At least I have my space.
Every night I think about my true feelings. And then I’ve come to realize
na it’s much better kung kay doc na lang akoh and just keep my relationship
with pare purely as a plutonic relationship. It would be much better and
sobrang laking iwas sa gulo. Kaya I’m glad na din na hindi na kami masyado
spend time together kasi all the more I’m with him all the more my feelings
deepen. So I told myself that this is what I really want. I have convinced
myself na etoh na talaga ang gusto koh and in time I would learn to give
all my heart to doc ‘cause that’s what is right. Yun na lang ang gagawin koh
dahil it’s for the best. Kaya nakayanan koh na so many weeks, almost months
have passed without pare.
“Eh baket keep moh pa rin yang bracelet na yan?!” sabi ng konsensiya koh,
kahit kelan talaga, my conscience always has something to say. Well, kaya
koh pa rin xa suot at hindi binabalik, I have just decided to stay friends
with him, hindi naman akoh nag decide to shut him out of my life completely.
At least, I’d still want something to remember the things that we’ve shared.
One day, while walking down the street, nakasalubong koh sa may coffee shop
si Twinx. She invited me over and pinaunlakan koh naman ung invitation nya,
I need some break na din kasi and I really need a cup of coffee.
While having our coffee syempre kwento ever na naman tong si twinx.
Mejo nasanay na rin akoh sa kakulitan niya. It’s in her work na din kasi eh.
Lamoh un, ung always talking fast and she always has the latest gossip
about almost everybody.
“So, kamusta na kayo ni doc?! balita koh sobrang busy ka na these days ah.”
Ask ni Twinx
“Well, we’re okei naman. yah, sobrang busy. Ewan koh ba biglang naging
hectic sched namin these days. Eh kayo ni pare?! Mustah na kayo?!” sabi koh
sabay, sip ng coffee.
“Well, we’re okay naman. kaya lang he’s been restless these days. Halos
mabaliw na sya kakahanap dun sa bracelet nya. Sobrang mahal nya ung
bracelet na un. Ewan koh ba dun, mas mahal pa nya yata un kesa sakin eh.
Sobrang nag freakout nung nalaman nya na nawawala ung bracelet nya.”
Sabi ni twinx. Bigla koh tuloy nababa ung kamay koh and just touched the
bracelet. Hindi koh alam na ganun pa lang ung binibigay na importance ni
pare dito sa bracelet na toh.
“I think it was given by someone important, ayaw nya nga pakita sakin eh,
pro he never removes it unless he goes to the washroom, even before pa,
nung college days pa lang, sobrang attached na xa dun. It’s as if he’s gonna
die kung meron mang mangyari dun.”
She kept on talking pro I lost track sa mgs sinasabi nya kasi nawala narin
akoh in my thoughts about pare and me. Bigla nag ring ung phone ni Twinx.
sinagot nya ung fone..
“WHAT?!” sabi nya. Tapos kung anu-ano na sinasabi nya, I can’t make out the
words kasi I’m still a bit lost in my thoughts. Bumalik lang akoh sa earth,
nung nabigla akoh kasi binagsak ni Twinx ung phone nya sa table.
“What’s wrong?” I asked
“Kasi ung isa sa mga models koh nagkasakit. If I know nag pagawa na naman
un ng kung ano man sa katawan nya. And now kulang akoh ng isang model,
mahirap ng humanap ng iba. It’s in a week na lang.” she said na may panic
sa voice nya
“Well, I wish I could help you, but I‘m afraid I don’t know any models.”
Sabi koh, kasi it was like I’m supposed to say something eh.
“Well, I think you could help.” Bigla nyang sabi sakin. Sabay tingin sakin
from head to toe. And there was this look in her eyes na parang hindi koh
gusto.
“what?! What?!” sabi koh, mejo nakoconscious na koh eh.
“well, you know, you’re tall naman, nice built, nice skin. Just like a
model” sabi nya with that glint in her eyes. Dun koh lang narealize what
she was trying to say.
“no, no way. No way.” Sabi koh
“Huh?! Why not?! You have the looks, the body and the attitude to be one
and besides it’s just this one time.” Sabi nya. Kakaflatter naman ung mga
sinabi nya pro parang hindi koh yata kaya un eh.
“C’mon, it would be for a good cause naman eh, and I won’t really be able
to find another model in time.”
“What’s the cause ba?!” I asked kasi parang nagkaroon din akoh ng interest
or whatever, alam moh un just getting the details para sure na I have made
the right choice.
“it’s for the benefit of those children who needs some serious medical
attention. This could even help some of your patients kasi some of them
are under this group.” Sabi nya with matching pity look in her face. If it
was really this important, diba why nots?! And besides, dream koh na din
nung bata akoh na maging isang model. So, I started considering the idea,
and was actually going to say yes.
“Hindi kaya akoh ma out of place alam moh un, kasi diba sobrang kainsecure
kaya to be surrounded by professional models and stuff like that. Hindi kaya
akoh mapahiya dun?!” ask koh kasi alam moh na, para sure talaga.
“Wala ka dapat ika insecure noh, you got the body, got the looks,
everything! And they are not all professional models ung iba lang, tapos
ung iba mga professionals in their own field of work, just like you.”
Sabi nya na nag brighten up na ung face nya.
“Well, what am I going to wear?!” sabi koh na napasmile na din.
“Oh my gosh, really?!” sabi nya nung na gets nya what I meant.
“Yah, yah.” Sabi koh and napasmile na lang akoh,
“Well, you’re going to wear this dress made by a very famous designer…”
and she went on and on about all the details and I just listened intently.
On my way home, I still can’t believe that I’d be able to you know, mataupad
ung one of my dreams as a kid. I’ve always wanted to be a model. When I got
home I didn’t know what to do first. Parang masyado akoh na excite sa
thought na I’d be living one of my dreams. I decided to rest muna and take
a bath, tapos bigla koh nahila ung bracelet, buti na lang hindi naputol.
Bigla koh tuloy naalala ung mga sinabi ni twinx about how pare cares so
much to this bracelet, meaning he really treasures it and cares for the
person who gave it to him. Then dun koh na realize na for all these years
ung hole pala sa heart ko na hindi koh explain kung ano is si pare pala.
All these years I have been going on with my life bearing this hole
but nung nafeel koh ulit ung presence ni pare, once again in my life I felt
complete. Dun koh din na realize na kaya koh lang minemaintain ung
relationship with doc is because I thought that he would be able to fill
in this hole, pro hindi pala. After that I’ve decided to be true to my
feelings na lang kasi akoh rin ung nasasaktan because of all this
pretensions na pare and I are only friends and that its doc that I really
love. I mean I do love doc, but you know, my love for him is not enough for
me to be able to sacrifice everything. Parang kulang pa, compared sa love
na I have given pare
The whole week after work I’d go to rehearsals and stuff. One day
napansin ni doc na I have been restless and always busy, approach nya koh
sa office koh, eh I was cleaning up my things na nga kasi punta akoh sa
rehearsals.
“hey, you goin’ somewhere?!” ask nya.
“huh? what? Oh yeah, I’m going to my rehearsals and I’m going to be late.”
I said na obviously, was not paying attention to the things I’m saying
kasi late I was fixing my things and I’m really running late na nga.
“what?” he said, na halatang nalilito. Then umupo xa dun sa chair sa harap
ng table koh.
“I said I ‘m going to be late for my rehearsals.” I said na mejo na
nakukulitan kasi nga sobrang naghahabol na koh sa oras.
“rehearsals?! For what?” sabi nya na parang nabigla.
“it’s for a fashion show okei?!” sabi koh, still arranging my things.
“fashion show?! Since when did you became a model?” sabi nya na mejo
nangaasar pa yata na hindi moh maintindihan.
“twinx made me do it. and it’s for a good cause so..” sabi koh na sobrang
nagmamadali na talaga then binilisan koh na ung paglalakad koh…
“when is it?” tanong nya…
“huh? what?” sabi koh na mejo nagulat sa sinabi nya… finally nasa parking
lot na kami…
“i said when is it.. i’d like to be there when you walk your very first
catwalk.” sabi nya wow, napaka supportive nya talaga kahit kelan…
“it’s this weekend.. okei bye, i really have to go.” sabi koh then i
kissed him on the cheeks and bade him goodbye then went on my way.
All week I have been going back and forth from the hospital and to my
rehearsals.Rehearsals were fun naman. I have met a lot of very interesting
people.Sobrang layo dun sa mga stereotype na models na were used to seeing.
Some of them were professionals in their own fields kaya I was surprised
when I first met them all. Kaya nga hindi akoh masyado na insecure nung
rehearsal days.
Finally it’s the night na. When I got to the dressing room there were a
lot of models there and everybody was moving, we just finished our roll
call, and the make up artist decided to change the color of the lipstick
and stuff. People are starting to pile up outside and I started to feel
nervous. When I saw my dress, I was in awe. Sobrang ganda!!! It was
inspired by the Greek goddesses’ dress and it was so beautiful. While
getting my make-up retouched the designer was also making minor adjustments
to my dress,it was so chaotic, finally I’m already dressed up. While
waiting in the dressing room, Twinx came in and wished me luck. Of course
nakipagchikahan na naman xa, always had the latest chika about almost
everybody. I have to admit she’s starting to grow on me, hindi na koh
naiirita kapag nagfefeling close xa. And I think it’s a good thing.
Finally, I could be around her with ease. After nya koh kamustahin,
she went to other models na para makipagchikahan din. After a while,
pumasok si doc sa dressing room.
“Hey there gorgeous!” sabi nya then he handed me a bouquet of flowers.
Red roses, my favorite.
“Oh hey,” sabi koh, and accepted the flowers.
“Well, just wanted to see you before you go off on your catwalk.”
Sabi nya, he’s so sweet talaga.
“Well thanks.” Sabi koh na napasmile na lang. We talked for a while.
“Ei, got to go na, I’ll see you on the runway na lang. Baka kasi mawalan
akoh ng seat eh. Good luck!” then he kissed me on the cheeks, then went on
his way na.
Pagalis ni doc, I was left alone muna and that made me think. Tapos may
biglang lumapit sakin may dala rin xang bouquet of flowers, eh di nagulat
akoh kung sino un, when I turned to look who it was, my heart jumped when
I saw him. It was pare.
“I see you already had a fan.” Sabi nya nung nakita nya ung flowers na
bigay ni doc.
“oh that!” sabi koh and napasmile
“Well here you go. Pampadami ng collection.” Sabi nya sabay bigay ng flowers.
“Thanks.” Sabi koh and accepted the flowers sabay beso. It felt good to
feel the warmth of his face once more. Then I looked at him straight in
the eyes. He looked at me with those eyes that melted my heart years ago
and is now working its wonders again.
“Hey, just do your thing out there okay?” sabi nya, “I know you’d do great.”
 He continued
“Oh, thanks.” Sabi koh and smiled na lang..
Then we talked for a while. Nung nagkukwento xa, I looked deeply in his
eyes. And that’s when I realize na I still love him. That he had never
even left my heart even for just one second of my life. All these years,
I thought the hole in my heart could be filled by someone else, turns out,
he’s the only one who could ever fill that hole and he’s the only one who
has that missing part of my heart. Then someone called all the models na
for their final touch kasi the program is about to start.Kaya he said
goodbye na and wished me luck. I just looked at him and smiled.
“Uhmm, by the way, you look gorgeous tonight.” Sabi nya then naglakad na xa
palabas ng dressing room.
I felt my heart jump once more, the way he said it and ung look pa nya

sakin seemed so sincere. Then I realized that what I really feel for him
is real. And from that moment on, I’ve decided to tell him na what I really
feel.
“Pare,”
“Pare,”sabay kami na nasabi.
“Yes?”
“Yes?”sabi din namin sabay
“Uhmm, I want to tell you something.” Sabi nya
“Akoh din eh..” sabi koh with my eyes in his.
“Models, line up na! The show is about to start. C’mon!” sabi nung baklang
coordinator kaya naputol ung talk namin.
“I’ll just catch up with you later. Okei?!” sabi koh, habang hinihila ng
isa sa mga bakla
“Okei.. After the show?!” sabi nya still standing there sa may door
“Yup, after the show.” Sabi koh na nagpahila na rin sa bakla kasi masakit
eh.
When it was my turn to walk I felt my knees tremble but then I saw doc
cheering me and pare was there. Just the presence of pare gave me
self -confidence. So I walked that catwalk with pride and without taking
my eyes off of pare. While walking down the runaway I kept on thinking on
what to tell pare and how to tell him the truth. After that dreadful walk I
felt relieved. Feeling koh natanggalan akoh ng isangmalaking tinik sa dibdib
The show was very exhausting but very fulfilling.I have never felt that
kind of rush for a very long time.Though it was very stressfull sobrang
sarap ng feeling. Pumasok sa loob ng dressing room si Twinx. Picture taking
kami to savor the moment and have something to remember that day by.
After that nagpalit na koh ng clothes. I can’t keep the dress naman eh,
though I’d like to hindi pwede eh. Sayang. Sobrang ganda pa naman nun.
Sinalubong kami ni Twinx sa labas nung dalawa. I don’t know pero it was
awkward for me seeing them talking. Nagyoyosi sila tapos nag uusap, which
is a first. Sobrang kagulat talaga, lalo na ngaung I’m sure with my
feelings na (I think…).
“Hey guys.” Sabi ni Twinx. Dun sa dalawa na mejo nagulat yata
“Hey!”“Hey!”un lang nasabi nila kasi nakita nila akoh na nakatingin ng
masama sa kanilang dalawa eh.
“What do you think are you two doing?!” sabi koh dun sa dalawa na
nakataas ang kilay.
“Well… kasi ano eh…”
“Well… kasi ano eh…” sabi nila na may balak pang mag explain.
“Ano?! Speechless?!” sabi koh na naka pamewang na. And Twinx was just
watching in awe.
“Diba sinabi koh na stop nyo na yan?!” sabi koh, sabay patay ng
sigarilyo ung dalawa. Para nga silang mga bata na pinapagalitan ng
nanay eh.
“Ikaw, doctor ka pa naman tapos hindi ka marunong mag alaga ng sarili
mong katawan?!” sabi koh kay dok, tapos natawa si pare, parang batang
natuwa kasi pinagalitan ung kapatid nya
“At ikaw, anong tinatawatawa moh dyan?! Isa ka pa eh! Kelan pa kita
pinagsabihan na wag ng mag smoke?! Diba nung college pa lang. Tapos
ngaun ganyan?! Nag promise ka diba?!” sabi koh kay pare, sympre dapat
sya din noh, para fair. Natawa si doc, para koh nga silang mga anak eh.
Tapos napayuko na lang sila at nag sisikuhan. As if blaming each other
kasi nahuli koh sila.
“Let’s go. Im starving na eh.” Sabi ni pare
“Buti pa nga, akoh din gutom na eh.” Sabi ni doc and they went ahead na
sa mga cars as if tumatakas sa sermon ng nanay.
“Wow!” sabi ni Twinx, while we were walking towards the parking lot.
Napatingin na lang akoh sa kanya. Mejo nagulat kasi akoh eh. Andito nga
pala xa.I nearly forgot kasi ung dalawa eh.
“Huh?” sabi koh
“I mean wow! You actually made them stop.” Sabi nya
“Saan?!” sabi koh na obviously hindi pa rin maka relate sa mga sinasabi
nya
“Smoking!” sabi nya in a matter-of-fact tone
“Oh that… wala lang un…” sabi koh na mejo pa humble pa.
“Anong wala?! I have been telling him to stop but he won’t budge.
Ngaun koh lang xa nakita na magpatay ng cigarette ever in my life.”
Sabi nya.
“Talaga?! Oh well. Ever since pa kasi, I have been telling him to stop
kasi its not good for the health. And ayoko sa lahat ung smoking.
Nag promise xa kaya ganun.” Sabi koh na parang wala lang un.
“Wow talaga!” un lang nasabi nya tapos for some reason bigla na lang
kami natawa dalawa. Nagtataka nga ung dalawa when they were waiting
for us sa may car. Nagkatinginan na lang sila na parang, “nu nangyayari
sa dalawang toh?!” parang ganun.
“So, see you there?!” sabi ni Twinx
“Okei.” Sabi koh sa kanya tapos sumakay na kami ng car. On the way to the
restaurant , I can’t help but think about what’s going to happen tonight.
Sabi ni pare, he was going to tell me something. Ano kaya yung sasabihin
nya. Basta akoh, I have decided to do it na. To rid of all these things
inside of me. Were adults now. We’re not high school or college students
anymore. We could deal with it the right way. I mean if he doesn’t feel
the same way were mature enough to just let it slip and not affect our
friendship. Nothing could possibly do wrong now. It’s now or never.
It felt weird sitting in that table with the four of us together again.
It’s our second “get together” since that dinner. I mean we’d see each
other but not like this, with all the four of us here. Natago koh nga
bigla ung bracelet eh, ewan koh kung baket. Tapos si pare naman ayaw
itaas ung sleeves nya kahit na halatang naiinitan na xa. Parang ilang
din xa, siguro he misses his bracelet na pro I don’t want to return it.
Not now muna.
All through out dinner, nagkakatinginan na lang kami ni pare.
Parang gusto na namin mag excuse sa kanilang dalawa and tell each other
what it is we really want to say. As if we had already decided,
we were about to excuse ourselves ng biglang nagsalita si twinx. Ewan koh
ba kung baket, pro parang sobrang ganda ng timing nya grabeh as in. hindi
rin xa msyado madrama parang teleserye.
“guys, I want to tell you something.” Sabi nya, lahat kami tahimik lang
na nakikinig sa kanya.
“I consider you guys as one of those people na I could really trust.
Kayo ung people na I could entrust my whole life with. Kaya I want to
share with you something.” Sabi nya, nakakatouch. I never really liked her.
I mean hindi naman kami ganun ka close and I thought na ganun din xa sakin
pro I never really thought na ganun na pala ung tingin nya sa relationship
naming apat.
“I have an announce to make. Guys, babe.” He looked intently in our eyes
and held pare’s hand. Gano ba ka importante ung sasabihin nya, grabeh ba
itoh?!
“what is it?!” sabi ni pare na obviously curious ng malaman ung
announcement nya.
Huminga muna xa ng malalim sabay sabi ng “I’m pregnant.”
Natigilan akoh dun. Nanginig akoh, I didn’t know whether I’d be happy for
them or what. Hindi koh alam. So many things were going through my mind.
Si pare then, obviously nagulat sa announcement ni twinx, but he hugged her
as if na it was the right thing to do pro alam koh na naguguluhan din xa sa
nangyari. Everything was perfect, wala na dapat manggulo kasi this was my
night. Everything was perfect until now. Doc was rather happy about the
announcement, I guess we all should be. I think. So, nung narinig nya ung
announcement he proposed a toast for the new baby nga. After that natahimik
na lang akoh. I forgot na what they were all talking about kasi parang
nawala akoh sa sarili koh. I just stared at them. Alam moh un. Ung parang
nakikita moh sila pro parang walang sound, parang naka mute silang lahat.
Tapos you really have no idea in what is going on. Ganun ung feeling koh
nun.Para hindi naman akoh masyado mag mukhang , I just nod my head and
smile whenever I feel like na they’re talking to me o kaya parang they
need my consent or something. Napansin koh rin na parang ganun ung ginagawa
ni pare, mas hindi nga lang obvious sa kanya kasi usap usap ever pa rin
sila ni doc, pro I can see it in his eyes na parang his whole world crashed
na parang ganun. Parang sobrang laki nung disappointment nya. Parang
I think, he feels the same way I do. Ung parang kanina lang,
everything was perfect and was actually looking forward to seeing each
other tapos biglang nasira, parang biglang nawala lahat. Finally, natapos
na din ung dinner. We went our own way na. Hindi na rin kami nakapagusap
kasi obvious naman na the two has a lot of things to talk about tapos
akoh naman I have a lot of things to think about.
Sa car quiet lang akoh, doc kept on making kwento about something na ewan
koh. Napansin nya yata na I wasn’t really paying much attention. “what’s
wrong? Napagod ka ba?” ask nya na halatang concern. I just nodded my head
and just looked outside the window. Naguilty akoh kasi sobra sobra talaga
ung concern na binibigay nya sakin. I could really tell na he really
loves me. I thought I love him too the same way that he does, pro right
now I’m not sure. Naguguluhan akoh. Lalo na ngaun na when I have decided
to tell pare the truth biglang malalaman koh na buntis si twinx.
Hindi naman akoh home wrecker noh! Badtrip! Bakit ngaun pa!
Pagdating koh sa bahay I just went staright up to my room. Pagkatapos kong
mag bihis I went straight to bed. Although I tried, hindi talaga akoh
makatulog. I can still hear twinx’ words. Parang echo. “I’m pregnant.”
Pungal yan! Badtrip! It echoes through my head na parang isang sirang
plaka kaya it was really hard for me to go to sleep kahit na alam kong s
obrang pagod akoh. So I just stared at the ceiling hoping na baka biglang
lumabas dun ung hinahahap kong answers sa mga questions sa utak koh na
nagpapagulo ngaun ng buhay koh. While staring sa ceiling biglang nag ring
ung phone,nag dadalawang isip pa nga akoh at first kung sasagutin koh eh,
pro I decided to answer it na rin baka kasi importante. Still staring at
the ceiling inabot koh ung phone sa may bedside table and answered it.
“hello?!” shiyet! Kilala koh ung boses na un. Sa pagsabi pa lang nya ng
hello naiyak na koh agad.
“hello?! Pare are you there?!” sabi nya, hindi kasi akoh agad nakapagsalita
eh.
“oh hey” sabi koh, parang un lang kasi nakayanan kong sabihin eh
“congratz nga pala ha, galling moh kanina ah.” Sabi nya happily pro I
could tell in his voice na parang malungkot xa na whatever, ung parang
pinipilit lang nya ung sarili nya na maging masaya as he had always been
kapag may problema kami.
“ah un, thanks.” Sabi koh tapos wala ng nagsalita. It was followed by a
very deafening silence. Hindi koh na kasi nagawang magsalita eh.
“sayang hindi na tayo nakapas usap kanina.” Sabi nya bigla
“oo nga eh,” sabi koh trying to hide from him the fact na I’m crying,
knowing him for sure mag aalala un kapag nalaman nya na umiiyak akoh.
“I was going to tell you something pa naman.” Sabi nya, hindi pa rin akoh
nakapagsalita, I just touched ung bracelet nya while silently crying.
“I was looking forward to talking to you pa naman.” Sabi nya tapos another
deafening silence. Di koh na kayanan, nagsalita akoh,
“ano ba ung sasabihin moh?! Was it about the pregnancy of twinx?! ”
sabi koh sa kanya trying my best to hide my tears, kahit na talagang
sobrang sakit.
“uhmm, wala lang un. I’ll tell you in time na lang. Kala koh kasi ready na
koh kanina eh, un pala hindi pa.” Sabi nya
“so, it was about twinx’ pregnancy?!” sabi koh na lalong naiiyak
“no, I also had no idea na buntis pala xa.” Sabi nya tapos bigla xang
Natigilan, feeling koh naiiyak na din xa eh.
“talaga?!” sabi koh na mejo nagulat din
“yah, I was just as shocked as you were.” Sabi nya, now I know kung ano
ung tinatago nya sakin,he’s hiding the fact na natatakot xa sa current
situation. I don’t know why but its clear na takot xa.
“okei lang yan.” Sabi koh
“nu nga pala ung sasabihin moh sakin?!” ask nya, hindi akoh agad nakapag
salita.
“diba you were going to tell me something?!” ask nya ulit
“just forget about it. Next time na lang din siguro. Kala koh din ready
akoh eh. With all the things happening right now,I think its not yet
the right time.” Tapos silence ulit when neither one of us were talking
na dun na talaga tumulo lahat ng tears koh. Parang biglang lumabas lahat
ng sama ng loob koh, all the hurt and disappointments. Nagpapakiramdaman
lang kami. Nasabi koh na lang sa sarili koh,
“I love you so much…” then I fell asleep na, holding the bracelet
close to my heart.
After that, I have decided na umiwas na lang muna kay pare. Parang I
still have trouble believing the fact na when everything seemed
so right, something happens that nothing could ever change.
Parang it’s a sign. Ewan koh. Hindi koh alam…masakit. He tried calling
me and stuff pero umiiwas na lang akoh. Parang dati. Hindi koh pa
talaga kaya eh. Parang dati, sinubsob koh ung sarili koh sa work.
By day, im a very hard working doctor, lecturing in seminars and stuff,
just to keep me occupied. Si doc, as usual, patiently waiting for me.
Isa pa un sa mga hindi talaga kaya ng konsensya koh. Kaya whenever I go
home at night, and all alone, that’s when I let it all out.
I’d cry silently and just let all my feelings out and cry myself to sleep.
For so many nights, it had become a routine for me. It was the only way for
me to sleep, I have to cry. Pero dumating din ung time na I no more had
tears to cry. As much as I wanted to cry, kasi feel like meron pang
natitira sa loob koh, I can’t kasi naubos na lahat. Wala na talaga.Then
sa wakas mejo nakayanan koh na. Bumalik na koh sa dati.
I begun to enjoy things more. Naging fair na rin ung treatment koh with doc.
Hindi koh na xa tine take for granted. Even he was a bit shocked with the
changes pro natuwa naman xa eh! Wahehehe… Tapos ngaun, kaya koh na rin
kausapin si pare, I accept some of his calls now pro I’m still not ready
to face him, not muna siguro ngaun. I still have the bracelet.
Hindi koh pa binabalik. Parang ayaw koh na ibalik eh.Kasi parang ewan koh,
it’s the only piece of him na I have. I don’t have his heart na nga tapos
pag binigay koh pa ung bracelet, I’d have nothing. Parang ewan koh,
the bracelet gave me the will to move on, parang ganun. Di koh alam eh,
mejo naguguluhan pa rin akoh ewan koh. Basta! Happy na koh ngaun.
I’d be contented with I have and not take anything for granted.
I’ve know learned how to be happy. Now, I can experience happiness once
more in the arms of doc. We’ve been doing great.And now, I think I have
finally moved on. Kasi, I can now talk to pare like before. Hindi na koh
umiiwas, I feel comfortable again. Once again, I could say that my life
was perfect. So un nga, ayos na lahat. I’m okay, doc’s okay, pare’s okay
and Twinx and the baby are also okay. I think it was a boy yata,ewan koh.
Okay naman sila and dun sila sa hospital nagpapacheck-up, dun sa friends
namin.
Everything is fine.
One night, doc took me out to dinner. Kala koh usual date namin,
ung hang out lang tapos watch lang ng movies and stuff like that.
Kaya lang this time, where going out on an actual date. As in sa labas.
We haven’t done for quite some time now kaya mejo nagulat akoh.
And unlike before he asked me to dress formally,
you know, like to wear a gown or something.Akoh naman, just said yes and
dressed up. He just told me to meet him up sa lobby ng isang hotel.
When I got there, he was already waiting dun sa lobby.
“kanina ka pa?! Sorry if I took too long.” Sabi koh sa kanya after I
greeted him with a kiss on the cheek.
“no naman, you’re just in time.” Sabi nya. Tapos we walked na,
kala koh dun kami eat sa restaurant dun sa hotel pro dumiretso kami sa
elevator.
“san tau papunta?!” sabi koh na mejo nagpapanic na kasi nga naman
baket kami dumiretso sa elevator instead dun sa resto.
“don’t worry, I won’t do anything to you. Just relax okay.” Sabi nya,
obviously noticing na mejo nagpanic akoh.
With what he said, hindi na nga akoh msyado nagpanic. When we got into
the elevator, he pushed the very top button.I just looked at him curiously.
Nu kaya meron?! Baket kaya?! Ewan koh. When we got to top floor, eh di
nag open ung door nung elevator tapos I just followed him.Tapos pagliko
namin sa may corner, I was surprised with what I saw. It was one of the
most beautiful things I had ever seen. On the rooftop, as in rooftop
talaga nung hotel, there were rose petals na parang pathway leading dun sa
table sa may gitna na sobrang perfect ung table sitting. Tapos a waiter
was standing sa tabi ng table holding the menu, tapos may band na
tumutugtog nung mga sobrang mellow and romantic tunes.
The ambience was so romantic. I can’t even say the right words to
describe it. I was just in awe.
“wow!” was the only word I managed to say. Speechless talaga akoh sobra..
“you like it?!” sabi nya then he escorted me to one of the seats dun sa
table.
I was in the verge of tears na nun. Kasi biro moh ba naman, diba?!
Ung ganung effort, everything around you, was all done to please you.
Everything around you was all done just for you. Ka flatter kaya yun.
Tapos nun, we started dinner na, after awhile bumalik na rin akoh sa sarili
koh kaya nakapagusap na kami ng matino, holding each other’s hands almost
all the time. It was so sweet nga eh. Grabeh!! Tapos, when dessert
was served na, biglang nag iba ung atmospehere. Parang ewan koh. Tapos
the band was playing a more mellow tune. Pamatay! Tapos si doc,
he started to get nervous or something na whatever. Ewan koh ba.
“what’s wrong?! May sasabihin ka ba?!” ask koh xa
“uhmm wala, kei lang akoh.” Sabi nya. So hindi koh na pinansin. Tapos
biglang,
“hindi, I have something to say pala.” Sabi nya, then tumayo xa and
also pulled up to my feet gently.
Etoh naman akoh, sumunod kaya tumayo na rin koh, na naguguluhan.Kasi ewan.
For a while we danced muna with the music. It was a very lovely night.
Unforgettable. Then bigla, nag mellow ung music and then nag stop xa sa
pagsasayaw, eh di nagulat akoh, kala koh napagod na xa or something.
Tapos bigla nya hinawakan ung kamay koh. Akoh naman, clueless pa rin kung
ano nangyayari pro bigla bumilis ung tibok ng puso koh. I can’t explain why.
Basta ganun. He cleared his throat then un. He started talking na,
“hon, we’ve been together for quite some time na. With you, I experienced
how to be happy and young again.You brought happiness back into my life.
I never thought I could love someone more than my life but then you came
along. We had our good and most recently, our bad times, but we still made
it through.” Sabi nya and he just stared deeply into my eyes. I think I
know where this is going but still, it’s so surreal.
“you know na I’m not really good with words, but. All I can say is that.
I know that we barely talk about this but I think now would be the right
time to do this.” He continued. Tapos he reached for his pocket then
may nilabas syang little blue bow. When he opened it, there was a beautiful
diamond ring inside. When I saw the ring, that’s when it all became all
clear to me what was happening.Tapos he kneeled down and held my hand,
and that’s when he popped the big question.
“will you marry me?!”
I was overwhelmed with what he said. I was speechless. Hindi akoh nakapagsalita agad.
There was something in my throat na nakabara or something. I just stood there looking at
him looking at me waiting for my answer. After a while di pa rin akoh makapagsalita then
naiyak na lang akoh. Tapos nag worry yata xa kasi bigla xa tumayo. He wiped my tears and
just hugged me. Akoh naman, para paring statwa, just stood there.
“I know it’s sudden and we never really talked about it but I just thought that now is the right
time.But if you’re not yet ready, we could always have a long engagement until you are.”
Sabi nya while hugging me. When he let go, I just wiped my tears and sat down. Parang ayaw
kasi I-digest ng system koh ung proposal nya.Nabigla akoh sobra.
Then inisip koh na kung ano isasagot koh sa kanya. I thought about all the things that we’ve
been through. Ung mga things na nangyari samin. Are we really ready for this?!
Then, bigla koh naisip si pare.Then I knew, why there was hesitation in me to say yes.
It was all because of pare. Nakapag move on na nga akoh but I was moving on slowly para if
ever he changed his mind, mahabol nya pa koh. But it seems like wala na talaga. And naisip
koh rin na he has his own life right now, with twinx and the baby and everything, hindi nya na
maiisip na habulin akoh. And I don’t want to grow old alone and doc has always been there
for me and mahal koh rin naman xa eh, un nga lang mas minahal koh si pare but my love for
him could grow pa naman. With that in mind, I have made my decision.
“doc” sabi koh sa kanya, and I looked n his eyes. Kinakabahan xa sa isasagot koh. Then I
smiled and he felt relieved.
“you mean?!” ask nya sakin.
And I just nodded. Tapos he kneeled down in front of me katulad kanina and asked me
once more.
“will you marry me?”
“I’d love to.” I answered, then he slipped the ring into my fingers and stood up and hugged me.
With all that, this is definitely one of the greatest moments of my life. The very first one
without pare. After that ang saya koh sobra kahit there’s a part of me na sobrang lungkot.
But it was okay. I don’t know how I’d tell pare, pro later koh na lang siguro poproblemahin un.
Right now,I have to think about our wedding. We have decided not to have a long engagement.
I wanted to get this wedding over with before I could change my mind. Kaya after that very
memorable night, we decided to tell our parents na and inform everybody about our plan.
We immediately talked about the plans about the wedding. Everyone knew about the wedding.
 Everyone except pare. I still don’t know how I’d be able to tell him about it. Parang di koh kaya
 eh. Ewan koh. Bahala na. Sa hospital alam na ng lahat about the wedding. Everywhere I turn,
people are congratulating me about it and wishing me luck. Lalo na ung mga administrators sa
hospital. Gusto daw nila, lahat sila ninong or ninang. Lahat approve sa wedding. It’s sobrang
overwhelming. We’ve been very busy after that. With all the work in the hospital and the
wedding. My gosh! Ka stress sobra!
One night, doc came over sa house. We were talking about ung mga involved sa wedding.
Kung sino ung best man, maid of honor, bridesmaid, the entourage and stuff like that.
“so, eric would be one of the groomsmen,” he said and continued on naming names of
people.I just nodded and disagreed about some people whom I never really liked and
suggested some who I liked. When we got to the part of the maid in honor and the
best man, we had a very long list of who it would be.
“why don’t we just ask Jessica to be the maid of honor?!” he suggested. In case your
wondering, si Jessica ung long long longtime friend namin way back from med school.
She was also responsible for this two people you are hearing about right now. Yupz,
she was the one who hooked us up.
“sure, why not. She’d love that.” Sabi koh. I just see her now pag dating sa wedding.
“oh the fruits of my labor.” Sasabihin nya. She is such a match maker.
“what about the best man?!” sabi koh.
“huh?! Kala koh ba si pare na un.” Sabi ni doc. Wow! That took me by
surprise. Masyado akoh ng worry kung pano koh sasabihin sa kanya,that
I have forgotten to include him sa ceremony.
“really?!” sabi koh, di rin akoh makapaniwala eh
“yah, I thought you’d like that. Lam koh naman na it would be incomplete
for you kung wala si pare eh.” Oh, how sweet of doc nman. Grabeh,
tlaga. He’s so sweet. Kaya nga hindi xa mahirap mahalin eh. The whole
night, inisip koh kung pano koh sasabihin kay pare. Ewan. Parang mas
nadalian pa kong sabihin sa parents koh at sa buong mundo na ikakasal
na koh kesa sabihin un kay pare.Bahala na talaga.
It has already been a month since I have been engaged and still, hindi koh pa rin nasasabi
kay pare.Humahanap pa koh ng tymepo eh. And I have been really busy kaya ganun. One
night, asa house lang akoh, nagiisip nung mga things for the wedding. It’s a good thing na
wala akong scheduled major operations ngaun. Kung hindi, nabaliw na siguro akoh. I was in
my room, fixing things. Nang biglang may nag doorbell. So, I went down to see who it was.
Xmpre sobrang curious akoh noh. Mejo gabi na rin tapos bigla may pupunt sa haus. Diba?!
Tapos when I opened the door, I was a bit shocked when I saw who it was. It was pare.
“oh, naligaw ka yata.” Un na lang nasabi koh sa kanya.
“oo nga eh. Mali yata koh ng ikot ko dun sa may kanto.” Sabi nya tapos napasmile na lang akoh,
 xa din eh, natuwa din yata xa sa joke nya.
“so, hindi moh ba koh papapasukin?” sabi nya na nakatayo pa rin sa labas ng bahay koh.
“oh, soory. I forgot, pasok ka.” Sabi koh, finally letting him inside. Masyado kasi akoh nabigla
sa pagbisita nya eh.
We went straight to my room kasi nga ang dami koh pang ginagawa for the wedding. Oh my
God! The wedding! Hindi koh pa nga pala nasasabi kay pare ung tungkol sa wedding. Siguro
etoh na ung right time. Ah basta! Hahanap na lang akoh ng timing para sabihin sa kanya. Ayun,
iniwan koh muna ung mga ginagawa koh tapos tumambay kami sa may azotea sa may room
koh, andun kami nakaupo sa couch sa labas under the moonlight, full moon pa nga eh.
Kwentuhan, catching up with all the things that’s been happening. He did most of the
talking kasi nga iniisip koh pa ung speech koh kung pano koh sasabihin sa kanya na I’m
getting married na. Tapos biglang moment of silence. Naubusan na ng kwento. He just
stared at the sky and looked at the stars, kung meron man.I laid my head on his shoulders.
Grabeh. Naiiyak akoh! This could be the last time na ganto kami ni pare.
“so, how’s the baby?” ask koh, di koh na nakayanan ung silence eh
“okei naman. We’re having a girl.” Sabi nya na napasmile. He’s obviously happy about the baby.
“so, when’s the big day?!” I asked him
“huh?!” he asked
“well, hindi ba kau ikakasal?!”
“for the sake of the kid?! No.” he said
“huh?!” now I’m the one confused
“I mean, we already talked about it and we decided not to get married
just for the kid. Kasi up to now pa rin naman, we’re still not sure kung
kami ba talaga. I mean, we just don’t really click and what if our marriage
won’t work, kawawa naman ung bata. Ayaw koh mangyari sa anak koh un.”
“we decided to you know just keep on going. Kung hindi mag work out we
will remain as good friends. We’d keep a healthy relationship the same as
to the custody of the kid.” He said tapos silence ulit. think this is the right time na.
Here it goes. Wish me luck. I took a big sigh and then.
“uhmm, pare?!” sabi koh, pro hindi pa rin akoh makatingin sa mata nya. Di koh kaya eh.
“baket?!” ask niya sabay hawak sa kamay koh. Then I didn’t have to tell him na kasi na feel
nya ung engagement ring sa kamay koh. Then he just looked at me. Ung tingin nya parang
hindi makapaniwala na hindi moh maintindihan. Grabeh! Naiiyak na talaga akoh! Ayan na!
Feel koh na ung tears! Shiyet!
“is this what I think it is?!” he asked ulit, tapos ung boses nya parang trying to be happy na
hindi moh maintindihan.I don’t know kung namalikmata lang me or what pero parang I saw
pain in his eyes when he was saying those words.
“uhmm, pare.” Sabi koh then isa pang big sigh, “I’m getting married na.” Finally nasabi koh din xa!
“I know. Twinx told me.” Sabi nya then smiled at me.
“huh?! Pano naman nalaman ni twinx?!”
“nagkasalubong daw sila ni doc sa mall and then un, sinabi nga ni doc na you’re getting married
 na nga daw.” Sabi nya.
“oh okei.” Un na lang nasabi koh, tapos silence ulit.
“uhmm… pare, can I ask you a favor?!” sabi koh sa kanya.
“huh?! What is it?! Anything. Lamoh naman na kahit ano basta para sa pare koh eh.” Sabi nya
“would you like to be doc’s best man?!” I asked him nervously.
“huh?! Akoh?! Baket naman akoh?! Diba ung best man ung best friend ng groom?!” sabi nya
“well, yeah kaya lang kasi we decided to switch. Ung maid of honor koh ung best nya
from med school. Xmpre kailngan koh pa ba pumili ng best man?! Hahanap pa ba koh ng iba?!
Eh alam naman ng lahat ng nakakakilala sakin na hindi makokompleto un kung wala ung
pinakaimportanteng guy sa buhay koh eh.”
Sabi koh sa kanya then I looked at him awaiting for his answer.
“sure. Basta ba para sa’yo.” Sabi nya.
“thanks. Pare!” sabi koh then I hugged him.
“pare, congratz.” he said the he hugged back so tight. As if he never wants to let me go.
We stayed like that for a while.
Then he whispered sa ears koh, “ I wish I had never let you go.” Naiyak na koh dun. Grabeh.
“huh?!” I wana hear it again. To be sure.
“wala.” Then with that I rest my head on his shoulder, his arms around me,keeping me warm
as I silently cried in his arms.After so many months of preparation. It’s the eve of my
wedding na. Grabeh kinakabahan akoh. I was staying at the hotel cos of the pamahiin
na the groom can’t see the bride the day before the wedding. I was in the hotel room na,
trying to sleep when my phone rang.
“hello?!”
“hey hon.” It was doc
“hey, oh bat ka napatawag?!” sabi koh
“I just missed you.”
“toh naman. Magkikita naman tau tomorrow eh.” Sabi koh na mejo natutuwa sa kanya
“nga pala, I prepared a little surprise for you tomorrow. Hope you like it. I love you.”
Sabi nya then binababa nya na para hindi kohna xa makulit about dun sa surprise na
sinasabi nya.Lalo tuloy akoh naexcite. Can’t wait for tomorrow. It’s the big day. I’m
prepared na. While getting my make up done, may lumapit sakin na assistant nung make-up
artist. May inabot na letter.
“mamaya nyo na lang daw poh buksan.” Sabi nung nagbigay
“who’s it from?!” I asked kaya lang biglang lumayas ung bakla.
Tapos after about a century of preparations, I’m finally ready and on my way na sa church.
My cousin already called, and told me na everybody was there na daw and me na lang daw
ung hinhintay. Nung nasa limo na kami, I remembered about the letter. Kaya on our way there,
I read the letter.It was from pare.
“Pare, Wow! Time does fly by.. Imagine you’re getting married na.I remember the very first
time I saw you. Right then and there I fell in love with you. But I never had the guts to tell
you about what I truly feel for you. Kasi we clicked and naging best friends tayo. You were
the perfect girl for me. No wonder marami umoporma sa’yo. At least akoh, nakakalamang sa
kanilang lahat kasi I was your best friend.Notice how I’d always have something bad to say to
your manliligaws. Kainis kasi sila eh! But sometimes, I knock myself back to earth and
remember that I am JUST your best friend and that’s all we could ever be, I never left your
side. For me, kuntento na koh maging P.A. moh at least I’m the only man in your life.
Prom time. I was so glad you asked me to be your date. Many girls were approaching me and
asking me but I just said that I wasn’t going, well I really had no plans of going until you
showed up on my door and asked me. Well, what can I do?! Makakahindi ba koh sayo?!
That’s when I decided to make my move. Kung alam moh lang kung gaano akoh nagprepare
for the prom. I know nagtataka ka kung baket naging ganun ung proposal koh sa’yo. I didn’t
want to lose our friendship kasi eh. Kasi I was thinking na if seryosong approach, baka sabihin
moh hindi, eh di syempre magkakailangan na tayo nun, kaya I decided na ganun na lang, para if
ever na sabihing mong hindi, it wouldn’t really affect our relationship that much. Lamoh, you
looked so beautiful that night. While we were dancing, for me, it was one perfect moment.
You were the princess, and I was your prince. And when you said yes, my heart jumped
with gladness. It was one of the happiest moments of my life.I have loved you with all
my heart. You made me feel complete. Whenever I’m with you I could be myself. I
know you’re wondering, if I had loved you that much, baket akoh bigla nakipagbreak sa’yo.
I was hurting na kasi.I don’t know what you truly feel for me. Masakit para sakin na after all
we’ve been through, you still saw me as a your bestfriend. Kasi baka lalo lang tayong
masaktan kung pinagpatuloy natin yung relationship natin. Although it may seem na that
night, that I wasn’t affected at all, when I got home I felt numb. It was like there was a
piece of me na nawala. It was the very first time I cried. I told myself that I need to move on.
Kaya I started looking sa other girls. Then pumasok na sa scene si Twinx, she was nothing
like you kaya nga I liked her, kasi she wouldn’t remind me of you and I thought na it would
help me on moving on. Pro you were the only one in my mind and in my heart. But I kept on
telling myself that I need to move on and that I could learn to love again. I tried. Believe me.
But nung nalaman koh na may drummer boy ka na, lahat ng sakit bumalik. But I know na I
need to remind myself, where I really stand sa buhay moh, kaya I just protected you as
much as I could. Nung naging kayo, dun koh na hindi kinaya ung pain kaya I’ve decided, to
you know, umiwas na lang and give you space. That was also the time I decided to forget
about my feelings for you and start anew. But I always kept in touch with some of our
friends to get some news about you para maka keep up naman akoh sa mga nangyayari
sa buhay moh. I was so proud of you the day you got your PhD. I told myself na it would
be better na ganto na lang. you’re there and I’m here just looking at you. But you never left
my heart. You were my inspiration in everything I do. Whenever I’m with another girl, I’d always
 think about you, and just imagined that it was you I was talking to. Eventually, I found
someone like you kaya lang front lang pala nya yun. Kaya ayun. When I heard that you
were at the alumni homecoming, I left my work kaagad and cancelled all my meetings
for that night. I was on my way to the auditorium, kaya lang bigla akoh napanghinaan ng
loob kaya naglakad lakad na lang akoh sa campus and it brought me back to our place.
My face brightened kasi naalala koh ung mga memories natin. Then I saw you. I told myself,
“It’s now or never.”, kaya I approached you. You have no idea how happy I was to see you
again. To touch your hands as soft as pillows, to see your smile as bright as the sun and
hear your voice that always made me carry on. It was like fresh blood flowing through my
veins, and giving me new life. From then on, I’ve decided to never let you go again. I’d rather
be JUST your pare and still a part of your life again than be nothing at all.The more time I
spent with you, the more I loved you. But I know that it was wrong. Especially when I found
out that I was going to be a daddy. It changed my world and turned it upside down. Then
when I found out that you were getting married, I can’t feel anything.
Once more in my life, I felt numb. I’m now going to be a daddy and you’ll be a wife.
Imagine that. I have dreamed of this moment before but in my dream, you were my
wife and I was the daddy of our little kid,nangyari nga xa but may slight adjustments.
You were someone else’s wife to be. How I wish so hard to be the guy waiting for you at
the end of the altar, but I know it won’t come true. I just want to tell you at I love you more
than life itself. If I could only turn back time, I would’ve never let you go. But what’s done is
done. Now I’m letting you go to be happy with another man. I’m writing you this letter para I
could let you go and say na nabawasan na ung mga regrets koh in life and that was being
able to tell you how I truly feel for you. I just want you to know that you will always have
my heart and I will always be your taga-salo whenever you feel na hindi moh na kaya. You
will always have me beside you no matter what. No vows or marriage could ever come
between us.
No vows or marriage could change what I really feel for you. Take care always. I love you…
This will not mean goodbye, it’s just a new circumstance that we have to deal with. And
I promise you, we could get through this. And I will always love you.Always,Pare”
When I finally finished the letter napansin koh na I was crying na pala.Tears fell from my eyes.
I didn’t know what to do.It’s all too late. Andito na koh and I can’t turn back. It’s a sacrifice I
have to make. When they saw na I was already at the church they started the ceremony na.
Alam nyo un, ung paglalakad sa aisle. When I walked down the aisle xmpre nag change ung
music, then I heard a familiar voice. Someone was singing my favorite song.When I looked
ahead, I saw who it was.It was pare who was singing. He was there at the end of the altar
all groomed up singing for me. It melted my heart and me weak. This time I can no longer
hold my tears. I was crying while I was walking down the aisle. Oh how I wish it was really
him waiting for me at the end. How I wish it was him marrying me. When I got there, I
hugged him so tight, then I felt his warm tears and I just cried. I never wanted to let go
pro xmpre hindi pwede un.
All through out the ceremony I tried my best to focus on the matter at hand, which is my
future with doc. But in the back of my mind I can’t stop thinking about pare and how it
could’ve been us. Eventually, I got through the wedding.
“I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now I kiss the bride.” And doc kissed me
and everybody applauded the newly weds.
I was happy yet sad. Mixed emotions talaga. Pagdating ng reception masaya naman. His
family and mine are getting along so well. Everybody enjoying themselves. Tapos there
was a little program na about the two of us, about our history as a couple and stuff.
nakakatuwa. Nahalungkat nila ung mga funny looking photos namin na akala koh eh
binaon koh na sa limot. Wahehehe. It was fun looking back. Pagkatapos nung presentation
na un, nagbigay na ng kanya kanyang speech ang lahat. Syempre naiyak akoh nung nagsalita
parents koh and sila na rin. After that, tumugtog ung band, and doc and I had our first dance
as a married couple.After that song, biglang lumapit si pare.
“uhm, doc, pwede koh ba muna agawin ung misis moh?!” sabi nya na nakasmile.
“sure, basta balik moh yan ha?!” sabi nya and he handed me over to pare with a tap on the
back of pare.
We were dancing tapos na realize koh na lang na ung tugtog pala is our song when we were
still together back in the days.
“this would be our last dance.” Sabi nya
“it doesn’t have to be. We could always dance like this whenever we want.” Sabi koh
“I have to return something to you.” Sabi koh then I rolled the sleeve of my gown and
showed him the bracelet that I gave him on our 2nd anniversary.Yupz, tigas mukha koh
eh. I was wearing it in on my wedding day. I couldn’t let go, but I think now ung time na
I give it back to him.
“I have been looking all over for this.” Sabi nya when he looked at the bracelet
“I never wanted to give it back, kasi I thought na it was the only piece of you that
I could say that belongs to me.”Then I removed the bracelet and sinuot koh sa kanya
“but now I can say na I have your heart and that’s already enough for me.” I asked and
hugged him again.
“have you read the letter na ba?!” he asked while we were dancing I just nodded and
hold unto him tighter. I don’t want this moment to end.
“I’ve tried my best to put everything in those pieces of paper. But it can’t really be
enough to put to writing what I truly feel. I really really love you.” He said
“why hadn’t you said it sooner. I have loved you too ever since. You just don’t know how
much and how hard I cried when you were gone by my side.” Sabi koh na umiiyak na. he
then wiped away my tears and kissed me on the forehead.
“alam moh naman na ayokong nakikita kang umiiyak eh. I will just be here. Still loving
you.I’d never leave your side again. Even if I’m just your best friend, nobody would ever
love you the way I do. You’re my little heaven here on earth.” Sabi nya then we continued
to dance na lang holding unto each other as tight as we could, never wanting to let go.
But we had to. Its not meant to be. We’re not meant to be. Before we left for our
honeymoon, I looked for him. When I found him. I hugged him so tight once more.
“bye.” He said still hugging me
“good bye is such an unfair word. I’ll see you later nalang. Okei?!”sabi koh na mukhang
maiiyak na ulet.
“I’ll see you later.”
Tapos he whispered sa ear koh na, “I’m letting you go na.”
“no, you’re not. You’re just letting me be on another’s arms. But please, don’t let me go.
I want to hold on.”I said na onti-onti ng umiiyak
“okei, I won’t.” and with one final hug and a kiss on the nose, we parted knowing it was
the love of the lifetime at a wrong time.”

It took few hours for me to finished the story, and on the last part I suddenly realized that tears were already falling from my eyes. I can feel the pain that they felt. It was such a very touching story. I hoped that it is true.