What hurts? --LOVE

Before I left my previous work, I had a little sentimental/dramatic effect. Then Nestle ask me how am I that time, then suddenly I told him that I'm okay, pretending to be, because I need to be. Then he told me that there's an entry in his blog about "pretending to be okay but inside you're dying"...

I want to share it with all of you also, the statements that hurts me and made me cry when I read this...

This is from Nestle Poell's blog entry.
1. Letting go of a person you’ve learned and decided to love.
2. Reminiscing the good and bad times you shared together.
3. Shielding your heart to love somebody.
4. Trying to hide what you really feel.
5. Trying to hide the tears that involuntarily fall from your eyes.
6. Loving a person too much.
7. Giving up someone you never thought of giving up.
8. Having the right love at the wrong time.
9. Taking the risk to fall in love again.
10. Hiding your relationship from someone else.
11. Controlling your feelings to avoid hurting a friend.
12. Thinking of him/her every waking and sleeping moment knowing all the while that he/she never even thinks a single thought of you.
13. Letting go, because everytime you see the person, you only fall deeper.
14. Holding back only to find out when it’s too late, you both felt the same way, but were only scared to lose each other so much that you didn’t let the feelings out.
15. Falling in love with someone you didn’t mean to fall in love with.
16. Finding the perfect girl/man - with only one problem - he/she doesnt love you.
17. Helping the one you love “make ligaw” to your friend.
18. Seeing the one you love crying for someone else.
19. The waiting also hurts like hell.
20. Having to hear “… I’ve met someone”.
21. Agreeing to his/her wish to “just be friends”.
22. Asking him/her freedom back coz “he/she’d be happier with him/her”.
23. Asking you to “forget that everything happened” and be “normal” friends again.
24. Hearing that you’re treated as a brother/sister (ouch!).
25. Sharing his/her future plans for the guy/gal with you.
26. You stopped being friends coz his/her bf/gf asked him/her to.
27. Being denied in front of people.
28. Telling you lies where he/she’d been when actually, he/she was with a “new friend” or an “old flame”.
29. He/she told you he/she’d be leaving you to return to his/her ex (the one he/she left for you!).
30. Breaking someone’s heart.
31. Fighting for that one thing that would make you happy.
32. That is, holding on to a person who can not guarantee you his/her commitment unless he/she fix him/herself - then, you are left hanging for the moment - then he/she says, time will tell…ang labo lang niya…but you still decided to hope in him/her and trust him/her.
33. PRETENDING you’re OK when inside you’re dying.
34. PRETENDING to be strong and RECOGNIZING your weakness lying in bed each night, thinking of that special person you can never have.
35. Being with someone you can’t actually love.
36. Pretending you don’t love a person whom you actually love.
37. Being in love.
38. Letting go even if you really don’t want to, having no right to say you are hurting because it was your decision.
39. Seeing the person you love hurt because of you and not being able to help that person.
40. Having the courage to say I LOVE YOU to the person you love and finding out afterwards that things will never be the same again when he doesn’t treat you with the same closeness as before.
41. Having to face the fact that someone is capable of completely destroying the wall that you built for yourself, leaving you weak and vulnerable.
42. Admitting that you love someone despite her imperfections.
43. Finding out that the more you try to hate him/her, the more you end up loving him/her, perhaps even more than before.
44. Realizing how stupid your mistakes were that led to your break-up.
45. The thought that this boy/girl, used to really love you and youloved him/her as well so you didn’t give enough and he/she gave up on you.
46. Sharing the one you love with SOMEBODY else.
47. Making a promise and realizing that when the time has come for that promise to be delivered, the commitment is no longer there.
48. The hardest thing about love - believing it exists.


hay... so sad...

As You Grow

When the broken hearts are mended and the many tears are dried, you learn.

When you're over the old boyfriends and girlfriends and you realize you can live without your first love, you learn.

You see that the world doesn't end just because you think it will and that sometimes growing up means letting go.

You learn what real love is, and you begin to see that one friend who really cares about you is better than hundred friends who don't.
You learn that you can be strong, take each day step-by-step and survive every sad moment.

So feel the pain and cry the tears, go out and experience life.

But when you're at the end of your rope, and you're ready to jump off that ledge, remember that heartache fades, pain subsides and though life seems at times too tough to handles, its also too precious gift to wast.

Keep living, never give up, and remember:

AS YOU GROW YOU LEARN.

...This is who I am...

As I lay awake at night,

I think about the day that just went by,

Wondering if I could have changed

anything to make it better.

I think about my future,

What I can do to reach my dresans,

How to achieve them,

If I have what it takes,

And if I'm on the right path in life.

I think about my past,

All the people I've met,

Who I liked and disliked,

My family and friends,

How I grew up,

And what I've accomplished.

I thnk about what's really important to me,

My morals and values.

I think of ow the world works,

And how I would change it if I could.

I think of what I've been through,

And how I feel.

At the end of the day

I think about who I am.

By: Eva Doty from No Body's Perfect

Visa Renewals in Cambodia put on hold

According to The Phnom Penh post newspaper yesterday November 24, 2008, Foreigners, like me, are worried about the overstay fines on visa renewals as the passport office is still close up to now.

After the deceased of the National Police Commissioner of Cambodia Mr. Hok Lundy whom expatriates relied on his signature in renewals of their visas, the passport office is still close and refused to process any outstanding visan in it's possession. The reason why they refused to process any visa since Hok Lundy died was the agency haven't received any orders from the top level of the government.

As for every expatriate are getting so worried about it because once your visa expired there is US$ 6.00 each day penalty.***

***The Phnom Penh Post Newspaper; November 24, 2008

...silent war...

Last night while I was waiting for my service here in the office, I was chatting with some friends and listening live radio fm from the Philippines on the internet and everytime the music change I also changed my status. Unexpectedly, my boyfriend IM me and asked me what does my status means and if I really love him? With that, I was so shocked because he read my status and I'm sure that he's hurt. Indeed he was, and mad at me... He suddenly log out and turned off his phone, so that I couldn't contact him. So while I was walking at the parking lot a thought popped to my mind, that I should go to him and apologise and explain for what happened, so I asked the driver to dropped me at Bistro Lorenzo (Filipino Restaurant). When I entered at the restaurant, they were all surprised that I was there, they even thought that I was a customer, but I wasn't. LOL! I saw him smiled when he saw me. His boss keep nagging and intruiging me about us. LOL! After awhile, we talked, explained and apologised in the car on my way home. He said that if I didn't showed up at the resto he will never answer my calls. Anyway, we're okay now since last night. he's just afraid of losing me, that's why.

This is my status last night :

"kung malaya lang ako, ikaw ang pipiliin ko...".

It means, "if I am free, I will choose to love you"

This is from the song entitiled "Kung Malaya Lang Ako" by Kris Lawrence.

Nang ikaw ay dumating
Nadama’y iba sa damdamin
Kilos mo’t mga paglalambing
Ang siyang lagi ay umaakit sa akin

[refrain]
Kahit dayain pa
Ang puso at isipa’y
Hanap ka
Bakit nga ba ganyan

[chorus]
Kung malaya lang ako
Kung malaya lang ako
Ipagsisigawan kong mahal kita
Kung malaya lang ako
Kung malaya lang ako
Ay ikaw ang tanging pipiliin ko
Sana ay mahal mo rin ako

Kung may isang pagkakataon
Na ikaw ay makapiling ko
Init ng aking pagmamahal
Ang siyang lagi ay ipadarama sa’yo
[repeat refrain]
[repeat chorus 2x]

It's so sad... :(

The story of the song is:

One guy get closer to someone and suddenly fell inlove with her but he has girlfriend, and he said that If he's only free or no commitment, he will shout to the world how much he loved her and choose to be with her instead. If there's one chance to be with her he will show and let her feel how much he loves her...

it's a very nice song. I can compare it to "oh, it sad to belong to someone else when the right one comes along"

senti lang ng onti...

ciao

...certain things happen...

Yes, certain things happen in an unexpected time. LOL!

As we have always says, "expect the unexpected"

Here I am Again...

Well, it's been awhile that I haven't put a blog entry here, seems that I've been very busy for the past few months, weeks and even days... LOL!

So here I am again, trying to say something nice about what's happening to me or is there any updates about myself or anything around me. hehehe! LOL!
Hmm... How can I start? ah! Let's say that I'm still here at my current job, still surviving, it seems to be so fast it's already three months now! I almost pass the probation period. I really love this job, and the people around me, they are so nice to me especially my boss, he always motivate me and talk to me nicely, and he even help me to correct my mistakes. heheh! LOL!

My life here in Cambodia, is so simple. that's it! LOL!
Of course I lived with my family here in Phnom Penh, both my parents are working here for almost 10 years now. And all my siblings are here also, my oldest brother is currently working here and he's already married to a Cambodian girl, they are blessed with a very cute, talented and smart baby girl - MIA! She is our angel at home, and even our toy. heheh! LOL! She really likes to dance, sing or copied what we said and what we're doing. You cannot disturb her if she's watching tv especially watching Mr. Bean, she really loves that crazy show. Hehehe! And honestly, I've been missing this little girl, because they don't stay at our house for awhile because my sister in law is pregnant and she's not feeling well. Anyway, I am the second to the oldest, and I am the "ate", who's responsible for everything. hehehehe!! I don't want to say more about me. Hahaha! Robin is next to me, hmmm... he's a working student, he works in a Filipino restaurant here in Phnom Penh in the morning and then he study at night in Pannasastra University of Cambodia, where I was strudying. We don't count on him most of the time, sometimes he acts like he's always the boss and irresponsible though he's good at making "buko (coconut) pie" {our small business, for extra income! LOL!}. Then, Roniel, is one of Pinoy hearthrobs here... Many girls are going crazy about him. that sometimes makes him mayabang... and we don't want that, he's our cleaner sometimes... hehehe... The youngest is Romina May, she seems to be so pasaway always. She's always get scolded by everybody because she doesn't obey us, but she still my baby, I was the one who raised here since my parents are already here in Cambodia when she was growing up. So I watch them growing up but not my parents, they are away because they want to give us the best that they could give. Aside from my family, some of my relatives are here - my father's siblings, and my two cousins; Franco and Kerwin. Kuya Kerwin is currently working as shop manager in one fastfood here in Phnom Penh, he has Cambodian girlfriend... He's so funny, he used to work as a "clown". LOL! He is our first cousin on my mother side. While Kuya Leco is my first cousin on my father side, "Leco", is only his nickname, we call him with that name when we were young but people call him "Franco" that's his real name. He's my favourite cousin, because when we were young he always give nice things and the fact that we are both "beautiful". I helped him to come here in Cambodia, when I was at the Media and Publishing company, I told my boss that he want to apply then She called him and voila, he's here now! He's still working there for almost 8 months now. He really enjoys here, I think. He goes out a lot, we rarely see each other these days because we both busy. hehehe! But we always update each other. LOL!

If you want to know about my "lovelife" ? well, it's fine I enjoy what I have and I love my boyfriend right now, we've been together for almost 15 months now. There are ups and downs in our relationship, quarelled and we even broke up then come back with each other. Hmmm... I don't know what to say... or maybe I don't want to tell what does I really feel right now. I just don't want to make things complicated especially my relationship with my boyfriend. hehehe! LOL

For almost 4 years staying here in Cambodia, I already met a lot of people and some people I treasured them as my friends. Of course CFC Cambodia is always be in my heart. some friends left already and some are just here but we often see each other, and once again because we're busy. LOL! As times goes by I kept meeting a lot of people and became their friends I even treasured them as my second family, that's why everytime we have some party we always invite them because they do the same to my family. hehe! I must admit that I really miss them now, but currently they said that they are not in good terms with others. I told them that in time everything will be ok. My friends in the Philippines? They are still my friends, people who always motivates me. Even though we don't see each other we kept updating each other on what's happening to us, and they always ask me to go back there to spend time with them, of course chikahan to the max ang gusto nila.hahahha! LOL!!!

What else? Hmm... I think that's it for now. A quick summary of my life here in Cambodia... But you know what that's the 2008 happenings to me. hehehhe!!!

Next time again... ciao

XOXO,

RoMaLyN